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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26308108">Limerencia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtisanGriffinKane/pseuds/ArtisanGriffinKane'>ArtisanGriffinKane</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Fluff, LCDP - Freeform, La casa de papel - Freeform, Money Heist, Ralicia, Raquel Murillo - Freeform, Smut, alicia sierra - Freeform, inspectora murillo, inspectora sierra, ralicia smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:15:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,512</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26308108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtisanGriffinKane/pseuds/ArtisanGriffinKane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Exploring Alicia and Raquel and the fragile balance keeping them constantly orbiting toward each other. Set during an indefinite portion of time in a parallel universe, with series of flashbacks coming and going throughout the story. </p><p> </p><p>"Limerencia (Limerence) = The state of being obsessively infatuated with someone, usually accompanied by delusions of or a desire for an intense romantic relationship with that person"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Raquel Murillo/Alicia Sierra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Ephemeral</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello there you beautiful people! Here I am again writing a new fanfiction, but for a completely different fandom and a very different kind of romance. So here's my first entry in the LCDP fandom with a Ralicia fic. Where am I going with this story? I have a few ideas in mind but for now, let's just say I will roll with the flow. Be aware it's my first time writing Ralicia, I've got used to writing about an entirely different ship and it will be a while before I get comfortable enough with these two beautiful ladies. That being said, enjoy and see you in the comments!</p><p>p.s. English is not my native tongue and no beta reading so all mistakes are mine</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alicia and Raquel just spent a weekend off. While driving back home Raquel seems distant and Alicia starts to worry, until something unexpected happens.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night sky was pitch black, a multitude of stars were shining upon their heads, sparkling dreams, and wishes burning thousands of miles away.</p><p> </p><p>The car was quietly cooling down at the side of the highway, the vast fields stretched in the dark and tranquil horizon. </p><p> </p><p>Raquel took a cigarette out of the package she always had in her back pocket, she put it between her teeth and then turned to Alicia, raising a questioning eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>The redhead nodded and took the cigarette Raquel was now offering her. No words spoken, Raquel took her beloved zippo out of her jacket and lit her only one vice with satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was quietly looking at her, a question burning in her irises, but she kept her mouth shut and waited for her best friend to offer her some fire. </p><p> </p><p>When she turned, the flame casting a series of dancing shadows all over her face, Alicia leaned in and lit her cigarette, inhaling deeply, finally opening her glossy lips, freeing some grey thick smoke into the night.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel eventually turned to face the horizon and leaned her body against the car, the cigarette slowly consuming between her lips, she didn't say a word and kept staring into the indefinite darkness, savoring the bitter and burning taste of her Marlboro.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia sighed out heavily, her perfectly polished nails started torturing each other, she felt nervous and tense and she didn't like that.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia Sierra had always been a tough girl, always in control of every aspect of her life, knowing perfectly what she wanted and how to get it. That had been her way of living since she and learned how to talk and walk... until one day she had met the petite woman that was currently ignoring her.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia couldn't pinpoint when had she allowed Raquel to shift her world so abruptly, she never allowed others to influence her mood or her life in any way. That was probably why she had never experienced a real connection with anyone.</p><p> </p><p>She had been in various relationships in her life, even if calling them a relationship was an overstatement, at least according to Raquel. She slept with people, she felt some pleasure in the way her body connected with other human beings, but not much more than that.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't as if she didn't feel anything, she felt things, usually: annoyance, boredom, indifference, till even rage. People were dumb, they weren't that interesting, they didn't seem able to enlighten in her any kind of curiosity to move forward the first impression, nor the first orgasm for that matter.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel on the other hand... <em>was something entirely different.   </em></p><p> </p><p>Alicia turned on her heels and leaned her head over the car. She started quietly gazing at her friend, the curve of her nose, that genetic trait she felt so proud about, the length of her dark eyelashes, the way her hair flew in the warm summer wind, she had stopped dying it blonde since a bit and now her natural brown was taking over.</p><p> </p><p>She liked them, they suited her. It wasn't the first time Alicia thought about how good Raquel looked. If she had to be honest with herself, she had been thinking a series of reasons why she looked beautiful since probably the first time she had laid eyes on her.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was beautiful and Alicia simply noted that. Nothing more to say really.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel had finished her cigarette, she discarded it on the asphalt and dismembered it with the tip of her boot, puffing out one last swirl of thick smoke, stretching her muscles, closing her eyes, inhaling in the rich night air.</p><p> </p><p>She leaned against the car once again and looked at the sky.</p><p> </p><p>"I never thought you could see so many stars so close to the city." she murmured.</p><p> </p><p>It took a couple of seconds for Alicia to understand she was finally talking, she blinked and cleared her throat before her last drag and looked up as well, mirroring Raquel's position with her back plastered against the cool metal.</p><p> </p><p>"We are in the middle of nowhere, that's probably why we can see so many," she whispered, her arms tightening around her torso as some sort of support, of comfort. </p><p> </p><p><em>  Joder... </em>she really needed to get a grip on herself.</p><p> </p><p>"You're probably right." Raquel murmured, then fell quiet again, her dark brown eyes scanning the stars, as if up there somewhere, there were the answers to the dozens of questions she had in her mind. </p><p> </p><p>Funny how we all keep some questions unspoken, questions about the meaning of life, of things we don't quite get, but we don't say them to each other, yet in the end, they are all the same for everybody.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia lowered her eyes to the ground, she felt the need to voice out her thoughts, they had been quiet for hours by now, the road trip was almost at its end and it was now or never.</p><p> </p><p>"Is everything ok?" Alicia asked tentatively. She peeked at Raquel, who seemed to be completely unaffected by her question.</p><p> </p><p><em> What was happening to her? </em>All of a sudden the usually stoic and resolute Alicia Sierra seemed like a lost puppy, worried she might have said something bad. As if she was afraid Raquel could scold her as a mother does to a disobedient child.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't like the way this tiny human being was able to take down her defenses, it had been years since their first encounter and the more time passed, the more Alicia realized she was dangerously slipping out of the bulletproof shell she had built around herself.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't as if Alicia had been hurt so much that she had felt the need to protect herself, she had simply always lived her life like that. No need for emotional talks, no need for a hug, or a kiss whenever she saw someone she cared for... even because there weren't those many people she cared for.</p><p> </p><p>Her family had been there when she was a little girl, she had grown up in a fancy house, her parents worked all day long, she had been cared for, loved properly, she had been given the best education possible.</p><p> </p><p>She had had a good life. She couldn't complain. She had simply been born like that. Emotionally distant, self-centered, really smart, and pretty well aware of that... probably too much.</p><p> </p><p>She looked at herself and thought she was quite perfect, not only aesthetically, though she definitely was beautiful and knew that. She was brilliant and learned fast, she had amazing skills, an amazing memory, and a way of getting under people's skin with just a couple of words.</p><p> </p><p>That was why she was going to be one of the best inspectors Madrid had ever had. That according to her teachers but most importantly, according to herself.</p><p> </p><p>She looked at her best friend and smiled softly to herself. Alicia was going to be good, very good at her job, but Raquel was going to be even better than her.</p><p> </p><p>Because Raquel wasn't only intelligent, witty, skilled, and really good at her job. Raquel felt, she really did, Alicia was good at getting under people's skin, Raquel knew how to get directly into their heads.</p><p> </p><p>She could have been a great therapist in another life. Alicia knew that for sure. She was going to be the best negotiator in the city, if not of all Spain.</p><p> </p><p>"We should get going." Raquel suddenly said, opening the car door and getting in, without waiting for her.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia closed her eyes, swallowed down the knot that was constricting her throat, and nodded to herself.</p><p> </p><p>"Right..." she whispered to the silence.</p><p> </p><p>It was when she had climbed in and had turned the key, the engine roaring to life, that she realized Raquel hadn't even answered her question.</p><p> </p><p>Silence is an answer as well they say. Was it a positive or a negative one... that was another matter.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When the car was safely parked in Alicia's reserved spot, Raquel sighed out. She didn't move, nor she talked, she sat there quietly, looking across the hood, staring at the building towering over them. </p><p> </p><p>Some windows emanated a warm glow, nocturnal life was peaceful on this side of Madrid. People quietly lived their night hours, some reading books, some staring lazily to their silent TV screens, some maybe even making quiet love to each other.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel leaned on her seat, her arms crossed, she tilted her head to the side and inhaled deeply, before blinking her deep brown eyes toward Alicia.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't say a word, simply kept staring at her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>  What was she waiting for? Did she expect Alicia to say something first? Was she ever gonna answer her question? Was something wrong?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alicia felt her friend's eyes on her, she felt terribly exposed, Raquel was observing her, but was she also studying her? Was she judging? What for though? Had Alicia done something she should have been judged for?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What was going on?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her long fingers started twisting around the wheel, she felt her long nails scratching the Italian leather, she took a long deep breath to calm down her nerves and then turned toward her. She blinked in the darkness of the compartment and tried to make out the outline of Raquel's face.</p><p> </p><p>A streetlamp was casting amber strokes of light over her noble features. Raquel was motionless, her eyes steady, she looked so calm that Alicia felt even worse.</p><p> </p><p>They had always been compensating each other throughout their friendship. Where Alicia was eccentric, Raquel was ordinary. Where Alicia was indifferent, Raquel was passionate. It had worked out pretty well till now. This balance between them had always kept them interested in exploring, offering them a chance to look at the world with different eyes.</p><p> </p><p>It could have been the way Raquel loved to be around people, constantly trying to get to know everybody, always smiling and politely asking others how they were doing, forcing Alicia to follow her flow when she usually didn't give a damn.</p><p> </p><p>Or it could have been Alicia's way of pushing Raquel out of her comfort zone, convincing her to try that spicy food she wasn't so sure about on their trip in Thailand or to ask out that good-looking boy she thought hadn't even noticed her. He had, and the sex had been amazing, the rest not that much.</p><p> </p><p>"I need to take my stuff before leaving," Raquel said quietly, it wasn't a question, nor she sounded mad or annoyed, it was simply a statement.</p><p> </p><p>She had left some of her belongings in Alicia's apartment before leaving for their weekend, she needed them before going back home, as simple as that.</p><p> </p><p>"Sure..." Alicia murmured, nodding to herself. She took the keys out of the engine and opened the door. Before she could climb out though, she felt one of Raquel's hands land on her arm.</p><p> </p><p>She peeked over her shoulder and then lowered her gaze to the hand currently wrapped around her naked arm. Her skin prickled at the contact with Raquel's soft fingers, the touch was delicate and warm and for a moment the redhead felt mesmerized by the way Raquel's thumb was stroking her epidermis.</p><p> </p><p>When Alicia turned slightly, to look her better in the eyes, Raquel's grip tightened and for a second, time seemed to stop. The air in the vehicle suddenly felt thick and hot, a new tension started building up in the mere inches between them.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia swallowed. Raquel didn't seem affected by the moment that was passing between them, why was Alicia suddenly feeling so hot then?</p><p> </p><p>She was starting to ask herself if maybe she was getting sick, or if it had been something she had eaten. Raquel had eaten her same stuff though and she looked pretty much fine.</p><p> </p><p>When her thoughts had started overwhelming her mind, looking for a reasonable explanation for the shivers running through her body and for the sweat forming over her temples, Raquel decided to finally let go of her.</p><p> </p><p>Right when Alicia's weird symptoms started to subside at the lass of contact, and she was really starting to get nervous about their origin, Raquel's other hand traveled toward her again, this time aiming for her head.</p><p> </p><p>It happened fast, really fast, but at the same time, Alicia saw the scene unravel in front of her in slow motion. The way Raquel's finger dived in her long red hair, the push she gave her to move closer, the heat of her body coming closer and closer until between their faces there was just an inch left.</p><p> </p><p>It was when Raquel's hot breath invaded her nostrils, covering her lips like a thick winter blanket, that Alicia realized what was happening.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel's soft sweet lips made contact with hers, and her long eyelashes stroked her cheeks, then was when the time actually stopped.</p><p> </p><p>Not just time though. They were literally motionless. Their lips were glued to each other, but they weren't moving, Raquel's hand was safely placed on the back of Alicia's head, her head tilted slightly to the side, she had her eyes half-closed and her breath was stuck in her lungs.</p><p> </p><p>No movements, no sounds, just an unusual wave of heat was hovering upon them. It felt as if someone had started a fire in the car, and the flames had started enveloping them, but it didn't burn, not painfully at least, it was hot but not unpleasant.</p><p> </p><p>On the contrary.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel finally parted her lips and sucked on a breath, Alicia's lungs stretched to the limit to allow oxygen into her system. Her brain was foggy now, no coherent thoughts were forming, her body was stuck on the car seat and she felt completely at Raquel's mercy, not able to move a muscle, not willing to say a word.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel finally captured her lips once again, Alicia felt a wave of burning<em> something </em>building up in the pit of her stomach. Her throat was constricting, her eyes closed on their own accord and her lips started moving in sync with Raquel's without warning.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel pushed even harder against her, tightening the grip on her hair, almost painfully, then was when Alicia's hands found their way toward Raquel's face.</p><p> </p><p>She cupped her cheeks as if afraid she could let go and push her away. But what Alicia didn't know was that Raquel wasn't gonna let go of her, not yet at least.</p><p> </p><p>When a soft moan escaped Raquel's lips, then was when Alicia finally put a name to <em>"the something" </em>building up inside of her.</p><p> </p><p><em>  Desire. </em>Primal, wild, natural desire.</p><p> </p><p>Her body finally took control over her confused mind and she didn't have to think anymore, because her hands were already working their way into Raquel's hair, diving between her caramelized locks, without a purpose, just for the sake of it. </p><p> </p><p>Raquel's body seemed to be attracted to hers now with a pull so strong that she didn't seem able to fight it. So she didn't.</p><p> </p><p>When Alicia felt been pushed back on her seat, forced to break the kiss, her eyes blinked open, trying to focus on the image in front of her. A rush of fear passed in her mind, she started immediately asking herself if maybe Raquel had finally realized what had she been doing and had decided to put a stop to it.</p><p> </p><p>But no, she hadn't pushed her away, she had simply guided her back so that she could climb over her. Raquel was a petite woman, but the car wasn't that spacious to grant her the freedom of movements she needed, so when she found herself on top of Alicia, straddling her, she had to curl up a bit to be able to look her in the eyes.</p><p> </p><p>When their gazes locked, for a moment the fog in Alicia's brain dissipated. It was as if for the first time she had finally realized she had just kissed her best friend. Raquel was silent, the amber light of the streetlamps reached her from outside the window and she could see just one half of her face.</p><p> </p><p>Her<em> beautiful beautiful </em>face.</p><p> </p><p>"What-" Alicia started to say, before Raquel plastered the palm of her hand over her lips, shaking her head, shushing her.</p><p> </p><p>"Shut the fuck up," she growled, before moving her hand away and replacing it with her lips. </p><p> </p><p>This time the contact seemed to generate some sort of spark between them, like when two rocks are scratched one against the other, a spark that could lit a fire, that could burn down a house, an entire village.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia closed her eyes again and obliged her, time didn't stop this once though, it started moving frantically, swirling around them ecstatically. Their bodies were now literally unable to stand still.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Their hands were all over each other.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>While Alicia's traveled under Raquel's shirt, running up and down her creamy skin, her nails scratching softly, marking her as a property she needed to claim as her own, Raquel's were desperately gripping at her long silky hair, messing her perfect ponytail, freeing it from the hair tie, letting it flow smoothly over her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>Their lips were glued to each other but kept on moving rapidly, their tongues had darted out at some point and this increased the tension, causing a new series of hot waves to crash into their bodies.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia sucked at Raquel's bottom lip, drawing a new moan from her, a guttural and deep one, the kind of sound a friend doesn't usually cause the other.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friend.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>That word started circling in Alicia's head. Raquel was her friend, her<em> best </em>friend for fuck's sake. And yet... here she was, sucking on her lips, granting access to her tongue inside of her mouth, her hands under her shirt, her core pulsing incessantly, in desperate need of some friction.</p><p> </p><p>The coherent part of her brain, the one that had always guided her in her academic life, pushing her to always give her best, to always be the first of the class, was suddenly trying to put a stop to what was happening as if it considered this moment<em> inappropriate.   </em></p><p> </p><p>But what Alicia was also very good at, was knowing when to listen to her cold rigid brain and when not to.</p><p> </p><p>And right now she definitely didn't want to.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel started moving in slow circles over her lap, trying to create friction she apparently needed herself, Alicia realized she had to do something about that.</p><p> </p><p>She had never felt this need to give someone else pleasure as now. She could feel her heart beating so fast in her ribcage that for a moment she feared she was going to die.</p><p> </p><p>But her heart kept on beating, pulsing frantically in her temples, she wasn't dying, she had never felt more alive.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly Raquel's lips left hers, Alicia slowly blinked her eyes open, but when Raquel started traveling south, her tongue darting out, caressing Alicia's sensitive skin, she closed them again, tilting her head to the side.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel started sucking over her pulse point, her tongue tasting her sweaty and delicate skin, Alicia could feel the ghost of a smile in the way her lips were stretching over her nerves.</p><p> </p><p>"Joder..." she shuddered. When her voice left her lungs, heavy, thick, rough, and filled with undeniable desire, she felt the way Raquel's legs squeezed her lap and how she pressed herself even harder against her core.</p><p> </p><p>A wild grin appeared over Alicia's lips, she couldn't deny her what they both wanted now, she would think about the implications of what she was going to do tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to cross the line, that line between a wild and occasional make-out session with her best friend, to an actual, deliberate, and intimate act of pure desire.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia's left hand started traveling between their bodies, Raquel was still sucking, biting, and licking at her neck, probably leaving her own kind of mark, the thought for a moment undid her completely.</p><p> </p><p>When Alicia had her fingers on the waistband of Raquel's pants, she stopped, just for a second, as if allowing her friend to retreat, to back away, to end this before it was too late.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel didn't shy away, on the contrary, her body seemed to sense her presence where she needed it the most, and her hips thrust against her hand. Alicia took it as her clue.</p><p> </p><p>They were both panting heavily, the windscreen was tarnished because of their body heat, they couldn't define the outside anymore, but that also meant that whatever was going to happen inside wasn't visible from the outside, in case anyone decided to take a nocturnal walk right now.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Good.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alicia's fingers started to work with Raquel's buttons, the zip followed immediately after, and in a matter of seconds, she could feel the fabric of Raquel's underwear under her fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>A shiver ran through her spine, she closed her eyes and swallowed. When her index finger boldly sneaked under the light fabric, and the almost burning heat of Raquel's skin reached her, Alicia's heart skipped some precious beats.</p><p> </p><p>When she traveled even forward, finding her way between their bodies, recognizing immediately the bulge of nerve she perfectly knew how to work with, Raquel gasped.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia felt the way her friend tightened her arms around her, she was now holding her for support and Alicia didn't need her to say anything more to know she was exactly where she wanted her to be.</p><p> </p><p>Her index finger started pressing softly over her incredibly wet and welcoming flesh, Raquel arched her back, her head slammed with a soft thud against the car's hood, but she didn't seem to care, neither did Alicia.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel inhaled deeply, the air in the vehicle was thick and oppressing, it was getting hard to breathe properly and smoothly, but they would think about that later, they could both suffocate for all they cared, now the only thing that mattered, was Alicia's finger circling softly over Raquel's clit.</p><p> </p><p>She was actually doing it. She couldn't believe it, if she could have seen herself from the outside and analyze this moment with a cold mind, she would probably have realized it was the worst idea ever. </p><p> </p><p>She was in uncharted territory, a forbidden one even, not because they were both women, that wasn't a problem for neither of them, the issue here was that they were Alicia and Raquel.</p><p> </p><p>The woman currently panting over her was Raquel <em>Fucking </em>Murillo, her best friend, her nemesis, the only person in the entire world that had ever been able to stand up to her. The only one that Alicia allowed to move freely into her life, in her comfortable solitude, she was more than welcomed where others couldn't even dream to venture.</p><p> </p><p>There was so much going on between them, so much history, so much more than a simple friendship. They had a bond that nobody else seemed to understand. Constantly bickering, teasing each other endlessly, pushing their buttons knowingly, both able to juggle in the chaos of their strong and yet desperately fragile balance.</p><p> </p><p>Thinking about it, the connection they shared, the intimacy of the way they both were able to look at the other without filters, without barriers, letting their guards down when alone, probably that made what was happening extremely natural.</p><p> </p><p>Wasn't the perfect outcome of a relationship based on the blindest trust? So connected that they both didn't fear to show the other their own vulnerabilities, not afraid to be attacked or judged but feeling completely safe?</p><p> </p><p>Alicia felt once again her rational side coming to the surface, trying to take control over her actions, but she would be damned if she let herself miss the opportunity she was allowed to have right now.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel Murillo was giving her access to her most intimate parts, literally, begging her to give her the pleasure she wanted to get from her and her only. Alicia knew this was an opportunity many other men had had, now it was finally her turn to give this petite woman what she deserved.</p><p> </p><p>"Fuck." Raquel growled in her ears, causing Alicia to increase the pace, her index finger was now moving faster, designing rhythmical circles over her sensitive nerves, Raquel started to tremble and shiver over her.</p><p> </p><p>"Alicia..." her name left Raquel's lips in a rough whisper, invading her brain. She closed her eyes and her free hand traveled over Raquel's back, gripping at her shirt tightly.</p><p> </p><p>"Let me..." Alicia managed to choke out, knowing she couldn't trust her voice enough to say more. Raquel nodded with effort, inhaling deeply into her scent, Alicia smiled and swallowed down the knot of anticipation forming in her throat.</p><p> </p><p>Then was when Alicia's other fingers followed inside of Raquel's pants. From the outside, it could look clumsy, uncomfortable, chaotic even. But from their point of view felt like the sweetest connection.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia's fingers seemed to be dancing, flowing like a river between Raquel's legs, finding their place, the warm wetness between her soft flesh felt so terribly inviting, then when Alicia's middle finger found its way inside of her for the first time, they both let out a low and rough gasp of pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>"Alicia!" Raquel was having a hard time talking, but she still felt the need to call her name out loud, with an urgency she had never heard before. This time they looked at each other, to do so Raquel pressed her hands over Alicia's chest and pushed herself back slightly.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them adverted their gaze, they looked at each other and Alicia nodded to ask for approval, Raquel's eyes trembled over hers for a moment before she nodded herself, and then was when Alicia started to push deeper.</p><p> </p><p>It was fascinating to look directly into her dark brown eyes while pushing her finger deeply between her folds, exploring with care and curiosity her burning sex, her long fake nail was probably gonna leave scratches, but neither of them seemed to mind.</p><p> </p><p>When Alicia started withdrawing her finger, she saw the way Raquel's eyes started closing softly, her lips parting, her muscles tensing, she gripped her shirt with strength. Then was when she pushed in again, trying to go even deeper this time.</p><p> </p><p>The angle they were in didn't allow that much freedom of movement, but it would do.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel gasped when she was once again buried deep within her, a smirk graced her lips, and Alicia couldn't help and smile herself, then was when Raquel crashed her lips against hers, fiercely, with hunger and desire.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia swallowed her next moan and when Raquel moved her hips to increase the friction, Alicia sneaked in another finger, forcing her muscles to stretch a bit before adjusting again.</p><p> </p><p>"Joder Alicia." was all that Raquel managed to blurt out.</p><p> </p><p>Then was when Alicia giggled, in that deep and rough way she always used when amused by something or someone, Raquel bit at her lower lip roughly, causing her to gasp, and then was when Raquel surprised her, shoving her own hand between Alicia's legs.</p><p> </p><p>"Two can play this game." Raquel teased her, her hand finding an easy way into her soft black leggings. When Raquel's fingers made contact for the first time with her skin, both women stopped for a moment and gasped out loud, their muscles tense, both hands were motionless, one inside Raquel, the other softly caressing Alicia's entrance.</p><p> </p><p>They looked deeply into each other's eyes. This was it. This was the moment they both knew was going to change their friendship forever. They searched into each other's irises for any sign of regret. But the only thing shimmering into their quivering eyes was a primal burning desire.</p><p> </p><p>So they stopped asking themselves permission and kissed once again. This time Raquel lifted her hips to grant herself better access between Alicia's legs. The redhead obliged her, opening up to her touch, when Raquel finally inserted her first finger, the world started spinning so rapidly that for a moment Alicia thought she was really gonna faint.</p><p> </p><p>But then Raquel was moving steadily inside of her, thrusting deep within her and it felt so good that she felt extremely rooted to the spot, unable to leave this moment even if she wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>They were connected in a way that went beyond anything they had ever experienced before. Their fingers started moving in rhythm, in and out, stroking, pushing harder and deeper with every new thrust, increasing the pace on their own accord, they weren't thinking anymore, they were simply feeling it all.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was the first one to start moving more rapidly, when she had two of her fingers buried deep within Alicia, she started separating them, stretching her muscles, dancing gracefully into her wetness.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia sucked on a breath and decided to add a third finger in, Raquel giggled seductively and Alicia grinned, her tongue licking a hungry path over Raquel's bottom lip.</p><p> </p><p>Waves of pleasure started building up into her stomach and Alicia knew she was close to the edge, they both were. She wanted to go but not without her, so she decided it was time to make sure they both were ready to jump into the infinite pleasure ahead of them.</p><p> </p><p>So that was why Alicia started pushing harder and harder, Raquel's hips started whirling faster and faster around her fingers. Inside of her Alicia could feel Raquel increasing her rhythm, matching hers, and then they were in perfect sync. </p><p> </p><p>Their fingers moving in harmony ones inside of the other, they started moaning rapidly, loudly, their breathes shortening, their lungs burning for the lack of oxygen, their tongues fighting for dominance, they were sweating, their muscles shivering, their nerves so tense they almost felt pain.</p><p> </p><p>"Alicia..." Raquel whispered, "Alicia, Alicia, Alicia..." she kept on murmuring, over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>"Alicia." this time it sounded more steady.</p><p> </p><p>"Alicia?" here it was again, but steadier and steadier, less like a pleasured whisper and more like a... worried question?</p><p> </p><p>"Alicia!" this time it felt like she was been shaken softly.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Joder</em>, Alicia what the hell?" this time the soft shake was a push, then was when Alicia's right shoulder bumped against the car door and she blinked her eyes open.</p><p> </p><p>It took her a moment to focus properly on her surroundings, then she saw her, Raquel, sitting at her side, looking at her with a confused expression written all over her face, her brow furrowed.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you ok?" Raquel asked her, tilting her head. Alicia blinked, feeling the heatwave starting to dissipate, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Que</em>?" she asked, swallowing hard. Raquel inhaled deeply, shaking her head.</p><p> </p><p>"It's late, we should get going," Raquel muttered, before opening her door and climbing out of the car without waiting for a reply.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia blinked again, she was so confused. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What had just happened? Weren't they doing...?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>When she heard the sound of the trunk being opened, she cleared her throat and decided that she needed some fresh air. She climbed out with uncertain movements, her balance slightly compromised, she leaned over the car to regain control over her legs.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure you're okay?" Raquel asked again, peeking at her from the back of the car. Alicia started nodding without answering, bringing a hand to her head, her temples were hurting her, her heart pulsing painfully into her head.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, sure, I'm fine." she whispered, looking in her direction. She took a couple of steps and found Raquel kneeling inside of her trunk.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you?" Alicia asked, trying to give a sense of what had just happened. Raquel looked at her from over her shoulder and nodded.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm fine," she said, before taking out her suitcase and letting it land heavily on the ground. "Let's go." she said numbly, walking away from the car, toward the building.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia turned toward her one last time, before concluding she must have been really tired and had zoned out for a moment. She took her suitcase out of the car, closed it safely, and followed Raquel toward her apartment.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever the reason for her weird vivid dream had been, she would think about it later, now she needed some good damn sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Alicia opened the door to her dark apartment, Raquel was silent at her back, walking in with lazy steps, she entered the spacious living room, leaving her suitcase in a corner, before walking herself toward the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands moved expertly over the wall, she turned the lights on and closed the white door at her back.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was left alone, in the semi-darkness. She sighed out, leaving her keys on the coffee table, walking quietly toward the kitchen area, without turning on the lights.</p><p> </p><p>She felt comfortable wrapped up in the night shadows, a glowing amber light came from the windows wall, granting her eyes to see where she was going, even if she knew her apartment like the palm of her hand and could move around even in blinding darkness.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was still in the bathroom when Alicia opened the fridge, took out a bottle of cold sparkling water, and downed a great amount of it.</p><p> </p><p><em>  Better</em>. She sighed out and walked quietly toward the window, looking at the sparkling outline of Madrid expanding in the pitch-black horizon.</p><p> </p><p>She loved to live far away enough from the center to not feel suffocated by the chaotic life of the city, but close enough to have all the comforts she could need.</p><p> </p><p>Not that Alicia needed that much to live comfortably really.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel stepped out of the bathroom, Alicia didn't notice. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm done." she whispered to make her presence noticed. Alicia didn't move, but her muscles tensed under her skin, for some reason the memory of her vivid dream affected her more than she wanted to admit even to herself.</p><p> </p><p>"Good." she muttered in response, trying to hide the discomfort in her voice. She wanted to turn around and look at her in the eyes, but she also knew it wasn't safe for now, she still needed a moment to gather her thoughts and understand what was going on in her mind.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm gonna go then." Raquel added, already walking toward her suitcase.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia started nodding quietly, bringing the bottle to her lips, taking another long sip.</p><p> </p><p>"Espera." she said suddenly, peeking at her from over the kitchen aisle. Raquel stopped and turned toward her, her face expressionless. She looked really tired.</p><p> </p><p>"You shouldn't be driving all the way back home in the middle of the night." Alicia said, leaning over the white cold marble, suddenly feeling the need for some support. She was tired too.</p><p> </p><p>"I wouldn't have to if we had left on time." Raquel simply said, grimacing slightly when her muscles protested for the lack of sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia scoffed and nodded, lowering her eyes to her hands, before humming with herself and smirking in her usual confident way.</p><p> </p><p>"Right. Well, if you want to hit the road risking to fall asleep and crash against a tree... I will surely not stop you. Knock yourself out." she added, before taking her bottle with her and walking toward her room, closing the door quietly at her back.</p><p> </p><p>Five minutes later, when she emerged from the bathroom, her face cleaned, feeling finally a little better, the dizziness completely evaporated from her system, she walked toward the living room again.</p><p> </p><p>When she saw Raquel with a cup of tea in hand, her night t-shirt on, barefoot, dipping the tea bag in and out the hot water absentmindedly, she didn't say a thing.</p><p> </p><p>"Shut up." Raquel muttered anyway, sipping at her mug, walking past her, letting herself fall heavily onto the leather couch.</p><p> </p><p>"You will have a hell of a back pain tomorrow if you sleep there, you know that." Alicia said while taking a new water bottle before going to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah well, it's not like the floor is a better choice." Raquel murmured, leaning over the cushions, steadying her stare onto the window.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah right... because I don't happen to have a king-sized bed just over there" Alicia added pointing her thumb toward the slightly opened door at the other side of the room.</p><p> </p><p>"What are you saying, Sierra? That you want to sleep with me?" Raquel said, turning so that she was leaning her chin over the couch's edge, looking directly at her, her dark eyes glimmering with a hint of amusement. </p><p> </p><p>"You know I always had a soft spot for tiny things like you." Alicia retorted back, a teasing smirk forming in the corner of her lips. With that she marched toward her bedroom, leaving the door open, climbing under the covers.</p><p> </p><p>It took Raquel a couple of minutes more to join her, she kneeled on the mattress and started looking at her in silence.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was facing the wall and couldn't see her, but she could feel her brown eyes hovering upon her. "You know that it creeps me out when you do that Murillo, stop." she mumbled, pulling the covers over her head.</p><p> </p><p>"I know." Raquel murmured, moving under the blankets herself. When her body heat reached her, Alicia sucked on a breath and swallowed, sneaking her head out again to inhale in some fresh air.</p><p> </p><p>"Did you left the door open again?" she asked since she was able to see the shapes of her furniture around her.</p><p> </p><p>"Yep." Raquel said matter of factly, stretching her muscles, adjusting her head over the pillow.</p><p> </p><p>"You know that I want to sleep in total darkness." Alicia groaned.</p><p> </p><p>"Of course I know, and that creeps  <em>  me   </em> out, so I guess we're even." Raquel said, the hint of a silly smile coloring her voice.</p><p> </p><p>Then was when Alicia turned on herself, her face half-hidden under the covers. "You're a horrible friend, you know that?" she murmured.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was staring at the ceiling, she blinked and pursed her lips for a moment, thinking about it, then she shrugged, looking directly at her. "No I am an amazing best friend." she said, flashing her a wild stupid grin.</p><p> </p><p>"Idiot." Alicia said, even if she couldn't stop a smile blossoming over her own lips.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel turned on her side, so she was facing her. The lights coming from the windows of the living room, granted her to define different details of Alicia's features even in the dark of that summer night.</p><p> </p><p>"You have beautiful eyes." Raquel whispered, her tone serious, she had one hand under her pillow, the other was resting between their bodies, her naked legs were sprawled over the blankets. She always felt too hot to cover herself up at night, while Alicia preferred to sleep completely tucked in even in August.</p><p> </p><p>"You should let others see them with their natural color more often." she added before her free hand traveled toward her forehead and she messed with her bangs a little, her thumb caressed her temple softly, lingering for a moment over her cheekbone, before gripping softly at the covers, exposing her face completely.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was motionless, silent, she didn't think she would have been able to say anything in response. But Raquel didn't seem in need of any answer, she had just made a statement.</p><p> </p><p>"There," Raquel whispered, taking back her hand, putting it under her cheek, smiling affectionately, "Better." she murmured, before falling silent once again.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia's skin still prickled with the ghost of her touch, images of her previous vision coming back at her, as the most vivid dream she had ever had in her life. She wanted to wipe it away from her memory right now, it almost seemed impossible to stop thinking about Raquel whimpering above her, her voice thick and rough in her ears, the warmth of her naked skin under the palm of her hands, the welcoming wetness she had felt so intensely under her fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>The air in the room felt abruptly suffocating, it was so hot that Alicia suddenly felt the need to take off all of her clothes to give herself some relief. But her body was stuck and she didn't dare to move a single muscle.</p><p> </p><p>"Good night." Raquel murmured, snuggling comfortably in her pillow, giving her one last glance, before closing her eyes and starting to breathe in more deeply.</p><p> </p><p>It took her something like five minutes to sound completely fast asleep. Alicia hadn't moved an inch and had kept staring at her sweetly succumbing to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>It was then that her hand moved without her consent and secured a strand of hair behind her ear, her thumb wanted to stroke her cheek and her jaw, but she forced it to just hover upon her skin without making actual contact, afraid she would wake her up.</p><p> </p><p>"Your eyes are better." she murmured to the silence of the night, her mind filled with memories of the rich brown of her best friend's eyes, the way they had always reminded her of morning coffee, of the sweetest Swedish chocolate, of the autumns' leaves crackling under the tip of her boots in October.</p><p> </p><p>She retreated her hand, securing it under her cheek, her gaze lingering over Raquel's sophisticated features until her eyelids started to heavily fall, shutting the entire world out.</p><p> </p><p>Madrid quietly kept glowing outside of Alicia's apartment, while the two women fell into a well-deserved sleep. Filled with vivid, intimate, and delicate dreams for both of them.</p><p> </p><p>Dreams they wouldn't remember in the morning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So how was it? Was it good? Damn I hope so! Let me just say to you a couple of things, Alicia isn't always so insecure and fragile and delicate and Raquel isn't this bold and aggressive all the time, but this moment needed to be like this, because in my mind both of them are equally fragile and tough, what I want to explore with this fic is the balance between them and how they compensate each other. Alicia is still the cold and sassy funny Hija de puta we all love, just as much as Raquel is the same tough and yet morally correct tiny stubborn woman we so much care for. I don't want to change them completely but I always thought that inside Alicia could be more vulnerable and that in a fantasy she would see Raquel as the bolder one, the one that takes the lead. That's because we know that dreams aren't the exact reproduction of reality. Also... Why was Raquel so cold and distant? Well for that one you gotta wait a bit more my friends. Stay tuned.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Philophobia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Fear of falling or being in love"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Morning's sunrises woke up Raquel with a gentle stroke of warmth. She stirred and stretched her muscles to life, sighing out, feeling reborn.</p><p> </p><p>She turned her head to the sleeping woman at her side, Alicia was completely curled up as a baby, the blankets shielding her entirely from the outside world.</p><p> </p><p>"Good morning sunshine." she joked while annoyingly poking her friend on the back. Alicia simply groaned, a guttural sound coming from the deepest part of her throat.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay then." Raquel whispered, deciding to leave the <em> beast </em>alone for now. She jumped off the bed and giggled quietly when Alicia groaned again, plastering a pillow over the head.</p><p> </p><p>"Door." she growled from under the covers, Raquel shook her head and tiptoed out of the room, closing the door at her back to shield the <em> nocturnal creature </em>from the blinding morning light.</p><p> </p><p>If she hadn't seen Alicia in the daylight already, she would have easily thought she was a vampire in disguise.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You never know though.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She used the guest bathroom and when she had freshened up enough to look presentable, even if she was the only one awake in the house, she walked toward the kitchen and started making some coffee.</p><p> </p><p>Madrid was pulsing with life in this new day, the sky was clear and the sun was already pretty high in the sky. When Raquel looked at the clock on the wall she realized they had slept more than usual.</p><p> </p><p>It was almost 11 in the morning and for both of them, that was a new record. </p><p> </p><p>She filled her favorite ceramic mug with dark steaming coffee and smiled to herself. Even if this wasn't her house and even if she and Alicia didn't live together, she still had her favorite of everything.</p><p> </p><p>Her favorite mug was tall and cinereous colored, it was also the only one chipped, Alicia had been about to throw it in the trash, so used to always have everything perfectly polished and clean in her house. Raquel had felt the need to save that piece of ceramic as if it was a lost puppy with a broken bone.</p><p> </p><p>Initially, Alicia had complained, saying she was gonna buy her a new one if she liked it that much. Raquel had protested, threatening to end their friendship if she ever found out it was missing.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia had scoffed and said she was gonna get rid of that stupid mug as soon as she was gone.</p><p> </p><p>A few days later, waking up in the morning after had been passing out over her couch following a long night of study, she had found her chipped mug on the kitchen counter, with a particularly annoying note from Alicia, stating that:<em> "It had seemed to be looking straight at me while I was throwing it in the trash, I blame it on you, Murillo. You owe me one."   </em></p><p> </p><p>From that day on the mug had stayed.</p><p> </p><p>Other favorites of Raquel were scattered all around the apartment. From her favorite spot on the couch, the one that faced the window but didn't force her to break her neck to watch a movie, to her favorite side of the bed, the one that gave directly to the door. She liked to be able to jump and run away in case the house caught fire or someone intruded and tried to kill them.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia had never once complained about her silly preferences, stating that she didn't feel threatened by anything nor anyone, she had more than a gun in the house, and they were all secretly hidden right at her reach if needed.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel still needed to decide if that notion made her feel secure or threatened.</p><p> </p><p>It took Alicia a while to finally surrender to the new day and crawl out of her dark bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>"Coffee. Coffee. Coffee." she mumbled while walking in slow lazy steps toward the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>"Right over there." Raquel said, pointing her index finger to the dark liquid steaming in a black mug over the table.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh fuck yes I love you." Alicia muttered, losing herself for a moment in the bitter taste that invaded her system, waking up every last cell in her body.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>De nada guapa. </em>" Raquel smiled, gulping down her last sips of coffee, before adjusting her chin over the knee, gazing at the horizon outside the big windows of the living room. Madrid looked so peaceful from here, so tranquil and quiet, Raquel had lost herself in thoughts many times while staring at that view.</p><p> </p><p>"You're good?" Alicia managed to say once her brain had started functioning again.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah." Raquel murmured, leaning her cheek over her hand, looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia looked like a mess. Mornings with her had always been Raquel's favorites. It was the only moment during the day when her best friend didn't look perfect, as if nothing could scratch her facade. Well, mornings could.</p><p> </p><p>Her long red hair was a messy swirl of knots, scattered all over her back in soft waves. Her usual fancy and perfectly clean clothes were usually replaced by a giant men's shirt or some very worn concert t-shirt she would never have the gut to wear in public.</p><p> </p><p>Her feet bare, no makeup on her face, no fake eyelashes, no fake contact lenses, she was simply Alicia, simply another human being... just prettier and bitchier.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Alicia suddenly asked her, raising a questioning eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing." Raquel smiled, capturing the last drop of coffee with the tip of her tongue, hopping off the couch, smirking at her while leaving the empty mug in the sink.</p><p> </p><p>"So..." Alicia started saying, sitting down at the kitchen table, stretching her muscles one more time.</p><p> </p><p>"So..." Raquel repeated after her, leaning against the kitchen isle, tilting her head to the side.</p><p> </p><p>"What got into you yesterday?" Alicia finally asked, starting to quietly sipping her coffee again.</p><p> </p><p>"What got into me?" Raquel asked back.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia hummed and pursed her lips, squeezing her deep dark eyes. "Yeah... you were awkwardly silent, you barely talked to me during the entire trip." she said, stretching her legs over the glass table, entangling her feet over the sparkling surface. "Not that I mind, you know me, I like silence, but when it comes to you, it usually means trouble." she added, before falling quiet again.</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing." Raquel answered abruptly, clearing her throat.</p><p> </p><p>"Bullshit." she merely groaned, raising an accusatory eyebrow. "Listen..." she started saying, getting up and discarding some drops of coffee into the sink. "If you don't want to tell me it's ok. Just remember that I'm no stupid." she said, turning on her heels, ready to retreat inside of her bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>"What about you then?" Raquel couldn't help but ask. She saw the way Alicia stopped in her tracks abruptly, her arms dangling numbly at her sides, she stood motionless there for a second too much.</p><p> </p><p>"What about me?" she asked her from over her shoulder. Raquel inhaled deeply, recalling the way she had zoned out for the longest of times last night, without saying a word, she had kept staring in front of her with a look of pure shock all over her face. </p><p> </p><p>For a moment Raquel had thought she was having a stroke.</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing." Raquel murmured when Alicia's dark eyes gazed at her. She looked different today, or more correctly, she looked the usual Alicia.</p><p> </p><p>The woman standing still in the car last night had been the one Raquel hadn't recognized. </p><p> </p><p>Alicia nodded in silence and then resumed her walk, disappearing in the darkness of her bedroom, Raquel could make out the outline of her bare back while she started taking off her shirt, walking naked toward the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>She let out a deep sigh and nodded to herself. She was used to not share all the details of what went through her mind with Alicia, they were simply used to not voice out all of their thoughts. It was their way of going, nothing to worry about.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel kept telling herself that while walking into the bedroom again. She slipped off of her nightshirt, remembering just then that her suitcase was still in the living room. She huffed in frustration and walked outside with just her underwear on.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, do you still have some shampoo in your bag-" Alicia was saying, while approaching her, wrapped up in a white towel. When she spotted Raquel kneeling over her suitcase, almost completely naked, she stopped in her tracks, her eyes for a moment wide open, as if she had been seeing a ghost.</p><p> </p><p>"Shampoo?" Raquel said, rummaging through her things, finding a bottle half-full. "Here." she said, throwing it at her. The bottle fell loudly at Alicia's feet. Raquel frowned.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you okay?" she asked her, standing up again, pressing her clothes to her bare chest, walking a few steps toward her.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes!" Alicia almost yelped, causing Raquel to jump on the spot, blinking in confusion. "I'm fine, sorry." she ducked down to retrieve the bottle from the floor. "Thanks." she said, turning on her heels and walking away, slamming the door at her back loudly.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel wasn't sure what had just happened, and she wasn't certain but it had seemed Alicia had been... <em> blushing?  </em></p><p> </p><p>She shook her head and laughed at herself. Alicia blushing. Right.</p><p> </p><p>She walked back to the bedroom and put on some fresh clothes, making up the bed while the sound of pouring water came from Alicia's private bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>Once satisfied with her job, Raquel walked back into the living room and sat on the couch again, she had to go back home but didn't want to leave without saying a proper goodbye to Alicia.</p><p> </p><p>When almost half an hour had passed, Raquel started to worry. Alicia never took that long to shower, she was insufferable precisely because she was always perfect and yet always on time.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed and got up again, walking into her bedroom, softly knocking on the door.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of streaming water had stopped.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you alright?" she asked, waiting for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>For a bunch of long seconds no sound came out of the room until, finally, Alicia decided to make her presence noticed. "Yes, I'm fine, just... just a stupid stomachache," Alicia muttered, her voice slightly quivering.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, <em> joder tia</em>, I'm sorry. Do you want me to make you something hot to drink?" she asked, leaning her temple over the cold door.</p><p> </p><p>"No. No, I'll be fine. Go, Raquel, I call you later." she said softly. Raquel wasn't sure but it sounded as if she was forcing herself to make less noise as possible.</p><p> </p><p>"Ok then... <em> adios.</em>" Raquel murmured to the closed door.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, bye." Alicia finally said. At that Raquel shrugged and walked out of the room. She checked that all she needed was with her and then opened the front door, casting a last glance at the quiet apartment, hoping to see Alicia emerge again from her bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>She didn't.</p><p> </p><p>So Raquel turned on her heels and closed the door shut at her back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The first time Alicia and Raquel met, it was a warm morning at the beginning of September. </p><p> </p><p>Neither of them could possibly imagine the importance of that first meeting, and how they both would recall it in the future, sometimes with affection and some other times with regret.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was having her morning cigarette before entering the academy for the first time as a student. She was sitting on the concrete wall at the side of the road, her legs entangled, her heels scratching the grey asphalt at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>She was inhaling deeply one drag after the other, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her pale cheeks, her long eyelashes caressed by the wind.</p><p> </p><p>Then suddenly the sound of a pile of books scattering all over the sidewalk startled her. She blinked her fake grey eyes open, looking at the source of that annoying sound, ready to make one of her sassy comments.</p><p> </p><p>When she noticed a petite young woman kneeling on the floor, her hair a mess of blondish curls sprawled over her shoulders, collecting nervously a series of papers that had slipped out of a notebook while huffing out in frustration, she decided to keep her sassiness at bay for the moment and looked away again.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Joder</em>!" the girl muttered, finally standing up, she was giving Alicia her back and so she couldn't see her face, but she was sure she looked miserable. She almost felt pity for her.</p><p> </p><p>A couple of seconds later, while Alicia had closed her eyes again, trying to get back into her "<em>I don't give a fuck" </em>mood once again, the girl approached her.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey do you have one to spare?" her voice was slightly rough, she sounded particularly annoyed and the notion made Alicia internally smirk.</p><p> </p><p>"Aren't you too young to smoke?" Alicia asked, without bothering to look at her. </p><p> </p><p>"We will all die one day anyway, better enjoy myself in the meantime." the girl simply said back. That was what made Alicia finally look at her.</p><p> </p><p>She blinked her eyes open and turned toward her.</p><p> </p><p>There she was, her books plastered against her chest, some papers sneaking out from the blue notebook she was clutching with possessiveness, her hair was swirling in the morning air, she was looking at her calmly, patiently waiting.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia liked the way this stranger was looking at her, she was used to be addressed with admiration, envy, skepticism, fear even, but the petite woman in front of her didn't seem to be affected by her appearance nor her tone in any way.</p><p> </p><p>She simply stood there, waiting for her to answer her with a yes or a no.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia didn't respond and took out the package from her leather purse, offering it to her. </p><p> </p><p>"Thanks." she murmured, taking one out and bringing it to her lips. Alicia was about to offer her some fire, when she realized the girl had already brought a metallic zippo to her lips, shielding the flame with one of her hands. The books threatening to fall onto the ground again, she managed to shove the lighter back in the pocket of her blue cardigan and safely clutch the books between her arms, before they collapsed onto the floor once again.</p><p> </p><p>That was when she smiled at her one last time, taking several steps away, leaning against the concrete wall, she started smoking while looking at the sky, in perfect silence.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alicia immediately liked her.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"First day?" she found herself asking this total stranger as if she ever cared for other people, she never cared, especially not in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>  Interesting.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Yes." the girl murmured back, without bothering to look at her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes, she definitely liked her.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Well, good luck then." Alicia said, discarding the cigarette's butt on the sidewalk, stomping on it with the tip of her fancy shoe. It was then that she noticed the girl had been studying her, her brown eyes went from her feet to the tip of her head, when their eyes met she smirked and nodded.</p><p> </p><p>"Good luck." she whispered back at her, taking one long drag from her cigarette, closing her eyes, savoring the warmth of the sun over her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia found herself studying the stranger's features. She felt mesmerized by the golden strands flowing above her shoulders, they captured the rays of the sun and made them dance into an intricate swirl of light. Her roman nose suited her more than it would usually suit anyone, it simply looked perfectly balanced with her prominent cheekbones and the line of her jaw.</p><p> </p><p>Her lips were stretched in a content smile and Alicia immediately thought she owned the kind of beauty that would make every parent proud to call her their son's girlfriend.</p><p> </p><p>She seemed to be a good girl, polite, kind, probably too kind for her own good.</p><p> </p><p>It was then that Alicia realized the girl had noticed her staring. She looked at her but didn't say a thing, she simply raised a curious eyebrow and the corner of her lips started moving upward, forming an amused smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Then was when a couple of boys walked in front of them, interrupting the eye contact. Alicia took advantage of that moment to turn on her heels and walk toward the building. </p><p> </p><p>Before disappearing behind the giant front door, she took a quick glance at her back, the girl was still looking, her lips stretched in a soft smile.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia pursed her lips and walked in, ignoring the odd warm feeling building up in the pit of her stomach.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Raquel!" a boy yelled at Alicia's back. She grimaced and mentally cursed him. She was enjoying her lunch break and was currently sipping at her long dark coffee, trying to enjoy a bit of silence and solitude.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey Raquel!" the boy yelled again. Alicia was about to growl at him to fuck off when the petite girl finally heard his desperate calls and turned toward him. Just then Alicia noticed her presence a few feet from her.</p><p> </p><p>"Pedro, hey." she politely said, her eyes passed briefly over Alicia, who was glaring at a random spot in her general direction. Raquel, that was obviously her name, Alicia figured, smiled softly in apology and patted an empty spot on the grass at her side.</p><p> </p><p>The boy grinned happily and joined her, crossing his legs and leaning dangerously toward her. Alicia leaned her cheek over one of her hands, the other playing with the rim of her travel mug, focusing over the odd couple in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>"So, what did you think of the first class?" the boy asked her. Raquel smiled softly, Alicia noticed her discomfort in being so close to him and smirked to herself.</p><p> </p><p>He was gonna regret it if he approached her an inch more.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, it's too soon to judge, but I can say that I liked it." she said, smiling kindly. Then was when the boy started listing a series of reasons why he thought the class was extremely interesting, while Raquel looked at him with her brow partially furrowed.</p><p> </p><p>Then was when Alicia giggled, loudly enough for Raquel to notice. She looked at her, raising a curious eyebrow, the boy was so lost in his own speech that didn't even notice Raquel wasn't paying him any attention.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia held her gaze and smirked deeply. Raquel kept shifting her dark brown eyes between her and him, but the boy didn't seem interested in stop talking. Alicia found the scene in front of her extremely amusing.</p><p> </p><p>"So I mean, you now see why to me this is probably the best subject the entire academy has to offer." he finally said, flashing Raquel a bright smile. </p><p> </p><p>"Right..." she merely said, smiling with effort. </p><p> </p><p>"So... Raquel... You're from around here?" he asked, tasting the water with this pretty girl he clearly liked. Alicia scoffed, bringing the mug to her lips once again, taking a long sip.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah..." Raquel said, her eyes darting to Alicia, they shared another long stare before the boy started talking again.</p><p> </p><p>"You live with your parents?" he asked her, forcing Raquel to look at him again. She just nodded, pursing her lips.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia could sense her discomfort even from here, she didn't want to have this conversation now, not with this boy at least. It was then that without thinking, she stood up from her seat and approached the weird couple.</p><p> </p><p>"Move." she growled at him, her piercing eyes staring coldly at him. He looked up at her, ready to protest but when he locked his eyes into hers, he suddenly fell quiet.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia raised a serious eyebrow, and the boy took it as his last warning, he gathered his things and smiled at Raquel.</p><p> </p><p>"See you in class." he murmured, casting one last glance at the threatening redhead, before jogging in the opposite direction.</p><p> </p><p>"For the love of God, he was annoying." Alicia said, sitting down in front of a quite skeptical Raquel.</p><p> </p><p>"Wasn't that a bit rude?" she asked her, tilting her head. She didn't sound mad, just curious. Alicia shrugged and took a long sip of her coffee.</p><p> </p><p>"He was being rude as well, so I guess we're even." she added, before falling quiet, looking at her straight in the eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh was he?" Raquel murmured, her eyes seemed to be studying her, Alicia smirked, she liked the way this stranger seemed interested in getting to understand her even though they had barely talked to each other.</p><p> </p><p>Well, who was she to talk anyway? She had just claimed the spot in front of her as her own as if her presence could be more enjoyable than the one of that annoying boy.</p><p> </p><p>"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" Raquel asked, intertwining her fingers over her crossed legs.</p><p> </p><p>"You're funny." Alicia merely said, leaning her weight over one of her hands. Raquel hummed and smirked.</p><p> </p><p>"Alicia, right?" she asked, Alicia simply nodded, not surprised at all that she already knew her name. "I'm Raquel." she said, stretching out her hand. Alicia looked down at it and then smiled deeply, without taking it.</p><p> </p><p>"So I've heard." she murmured, sipping at her coffee once again, realizing the mug was empty. " <em> Joder </em>, I need a refill." she muttered, "Care to join me?" she asked her, already standing up, ready to go with or without her.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah..." was all Raquel decided to say, standing up herself, following her with a suspicious look written all over her face.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia threw the empty mug in the trash bin and started walking back inside the building, aiming for the cafeteria. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Raquel was quietly walking at Alicia's back, too busy studying this weird human being to say anything.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't know the girl, they hadn't shared a class that morning, she had offered her one of her cigarettes before entering and that had been all. </p><p> </p><p>She knew her name because she had heard some boys talk about this striking redhead with an insufferable attitude, they said her name was Alicia and that she was one of the best students the academy had had in years.</p><p> </p><p>She immediately figured they must have been talking about her.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't know why but it didn't surprise her when she had suddenly decided to save her from the most self-centered boy Raquel had ever met.  <em> Saved, </em>not that Raquel needed to be saved by anyone.</p><p> </p><p>She could easily take care of herself. What intrigued her was the audacity this girl had to intrude in a private moment like that one, as if she had every right to fuck off boys on her behalf. </p><p> </p><p>Raquel smirked, they were probably never gonna talk ever again after this quick moment, so she could use this opportunity to get as many details about her as possible, just in case she ever needed them in the future.</p><p> </p><p>After all, she had always been at the top of the class and a little bit of competition made everything more interesting. She wanted to get to know about her opponent.</p><p> </p><p>"What's your poison?" Alicia asked her, leaning toward the cash desk, her long ponytail swinging over her back. </p><p> </p><p>"<em> Cafe con leche </em>." she said with a smile to the boy behind the counter. He smiled back, touched by her gentleness.</p><p> </p><p>"A dark long coffee for me, make it double." Alicia said sternly, without bothering to sound in any way kind or polite.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel shook her head and smirked to herself, crossing her arms. The boy blinked and noted the order on the cup. </p><p> </p><p>"Want to sit down?" Alicia asked, tilting her head to the tables at her back. Raquel nodded and walked without waiting for her, choosing a little circular table in the farthest corner of the cafeteria, it was close to the window and she could easily entertain herself by looking at the giant meadow expanding all around the building.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia sat down in front of her, a smirk printed over her glossy peachy lips. She leaned over the table with one elbow, securing her cheek over her knuckles.</p><p> </p><p>"So Raquel, are you from around here?" she mocked her, a hint of amusement coloring her deep rough voice. Raquel looked at her and smiled.</p><p> </p><p>"Raised and born in Madrid, yeah." she said, crossing her arms and placing them over the table. At that exact moment, the cafeteria's guy left two mugs in front of them, excusing himself quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was still smirking, she brought the mug to her lips and took a long sip, swallowing slowly, a satisfied look on her face. </p><p> </p><p>"What about you?" Raquel asked casually. Alicia's smirk deepened.</p><p> </p><p>"No, I'm not from around here." she murmured, without offering more details. Raquel nodded and smiled, taking her own mug between her cupped hands, inhaling in its rich acrid scent.</p><p> </p><p>"So, do you usually bust into other people's private conversations, or am I special for some reason?" Raquel asked nonchalantly. Alicia didn't seem to be affected by her choice of words.</p><p> </p><p>She chuckled softly, her voice deep and velvety. Raquel smirked and held her gaze while waiting for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>"You really are funny." she just stated.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah?" Raquel giggled, taking a long sip of her coffee. Alicia nodded, she seated more comfortably on the chair, one arm behind her, she rested her head against the cold glass of the giant window.</p><p> </p><p>She seemed interested in talking with her for some reason and was currently opening up to her according to her body language, Raquel decided she was gonna take advantage of that.</p><p> </p><p>"So you like funny people?" she asked her, tilting her head.</p><p> </p><p>"Not usually no." Alicia simply said, her grey eyes fixed over her with intense interest, she seemed to be studying her in return.</p><p> </p><p>They were playing the same game here, Raquel could tell already, this was going to be an interesting competition.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you like annoying boys?" Alicia asked her, sipping at her coffee, casting a long look at the crowd of people surrounding them. She seemed to be particularly annoyed by each one of them.</p><p> </p><p>"Do I look like one of those girls?" Raquel retorted, relaxing over her chair. Alicia smirked in her direction, raising an amused eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>"You don't look like any other girl around here." her tone serious and low. Raquel couldn't help the smile that blossomed over her lips.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, we are not that many anyway." she said, looking at the crowd herself, very few girls around, they wanted a typical men's job, she knew it was going to be hard since the beginning. But Raquel wasn't gonna back down just because it was harder than it would have been with any other profession, this was what she wanted to do and she surely wasn't gonna surrender before even trying.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia seemed to be thinking the same thing, she raised her cup to her with a proud smile. "To the few women who will kick these men's asses one day." she said, smirking happily.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel giggled and raised her coffee to hers. "Cheers to that sister." she said, taking a long sip. Alicia fell quiet again. She didn't seem the kind of girl to waste her time in small talks. If she had something to say she would, but if she hadn't she would simply keep quiet and that was it.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel decided she liked that trait of her.</p><p> </p><p>"So... what's your final goal here?" Alicia asked her, turning completely over her once again. </p><p> </p><p>"I would like to become <em> Inspectora  </em> ." Raquel quietly answered, she had embarked herself into this journey with a clear plan in her head.</p><p> </p><p>"Why not aiming even higher?" Alicia asked, another one of her smirks appearing in the corner of her lips. Raquel smiled.</p><p> </p><p>"I prefer to be the one actually in charge, instead of that just one of those who hide behind a title and bark orders without taking responsibilities." she said, feeling how true those words ringed to her.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia smiled deeply, licking her lips before looking for a moment at the sky out of the window, she seemed to be pondering about her words.</p><p> </p><p>"You don't care for money or power then?" she asked, hiding her expression behind the mug while waiting for her reply.</p><p> </p><p>"I care for many things, money and power are not my main concern though." she murmured.</p><p> </p><p>"I can tell you are telling me half a truth here." Alicia retorted, grinning softly.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh is that so?" Raquel asked.</p><p> </p><p>"Money might not be your first interest, I get it, but power? You want that. Just as everybody else around here, why would we choose a profession like this one if we didn't like the thrill power can give?" Alicia said, smiling. </p><p> </p><p>"You want to be in charge, you just told me that, and being in charge means to gain a position of power. Sure, not as much power as <em> el comisario principal, </em>but enough power to be able to get everyone under your control." she added.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel remained silent for a moment, thinking about what she had just said, knowing that Alicia was right. Power was something she wanted to have, along with the responsibilities that would come with it.</p><p> </p><p>"Why did you pick this profession?" Raquel asked her in return. Alicia grinned deeply.</p><p> </p><p>"I think you can guess that by yourself." she simply murmured, before sipping at her coffee once again. Raquel nodded and both of them fell quiet at that.</p><p> </p><p>They finished their coffees without saying anything else, quietly staring at each other, studying, measuring each other in stares. It felt awkwardly comfortable to share this moment with her, Raquel thought eventually.</p><p> </p><p>"My class is about to begin." Alicia said, looking at the hallway around them, which was almost empty.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, mine too." Raquel said, looking at her wristwatch. "We should get going." she added, standing up.</p><p> </p><p>"Can't wait to start <em> Derecho Constitucional  </em> ." Alicia huffed, clearly annoyed by the idea already.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, you have that one too?" Raquel asked her. Alicia raised an intrigued eyebrow at her.</p><p> </p><p>"Same class uh? Well, this is going to be fun." she mused. Raquel rolled her eyes and started walking toward class, followed by the sound of Alicia's heels tickling over the impeccable floor.</p><p> </p><p>"Hope that annoying brat isn't gonna sit close to me, I could really lose it." Alicia muttered before entering the class, Raquel shook her head and giggled softly.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as they both walked in, finding out that just two spots were still available, one near the other, they sat down and shared an amused grin. </p><p> </p><p>Alicia relaxed her posture immediately, claiming the space around her with her legs and arms.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel took out her notebook and her favorite pencil, guiding it into her hair, wrapping it with her golden locks. When she was satisfied, she sighed out and just then noticed that Alicia had been observing her with odd interest.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Raquel whispered. Alicia simply shook her head, an amused smirk gracing her lips, she brought her pen between her teeth and grinned.</p><p> </p><p>"You're such a nerd." she murmured. Before Raquel could answer her, the professor had entered the room and class started.</p><p> </p><p>That warm day of September, in that crowded classroom, a deep and intricated bond was starting to grow between two complete strangers.</p><p> </p><p>A bond that was going to evolve throughout the years, forcing the two young women to constantly orbit one to the other, without even realizing it. What had started as a friendly rivalry was going to become something much more complicated than that. </p><p> </p><p>Something that could be named in many ways, from love to obsession, from friendship to symbiosis. It was going to unravel in front of them in the subtlest of ways, insinuating between them slowly, to finally explode right in their faces, threatening the fragile balance they would eventually establish.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Alicia stepped out of the bathroom, she was faced with complete silence. Completely naked she walked toward her wardrobe and sneaked in the first shirt she found. It was a concert t-shirt Raquel had left in her apartment months ago.</p><p> </p><p><em> Joder. </em>That was all Alicia was able to think, before chewing on the inside of her cheek and storming out of her bedroom in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>She filled a glass with fresh water directly from the sink and tried to calm her swirling mind taking long slow gulps.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Get a grip on yourself.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She felt completely lost inside of her own mind, for the first time in a really long time, Alicia Sierra was out of control. She felt lost and scared because her own mind was betraying her.</p><p> </p><p>Usually, she would always have everything under strict methodical control, knowing all of what she felt about everything and everyone. She liked to feel this confident, it made her feel almost invincible.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently, she wasn't. Because all of a sudden, a tiny insufferable woman was teasing her mind, tricking her thoughts onto forbidden paths, leading her toward visions she wasn't supposed to be seeing, not even in the quiet darkness of her mind.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia felt shaken to her core. She didn't know what to do. She was literally powerless in front of the truth unfolding in front of her. It was as if she was witnessing a car crash happening in slow motion, she wanted to do something to stop it, but she also knew that the collision was imminent and that it was going to hurt more than just one person.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn't stop it, she was stuck, powerless, lost. It was so frustrating that she felt the desperate urge to slam her head against the wall repeatedly to wipe away all those images.</p><p> </p><p>It wouldn't be a big deal if it was anyone else. If her body felt attracted to another person, she would simply do something about it. It was unusual for boys and girls to reject her. She was beautiful, brilliant, sassy and she knew she had many different options she could pick from.</p><p> </p><p>But her body and her mind were suddenly attracted toward the one and only person on the entire planet she would never approach for that.</p><p> </p><p>Because Alicia knew herself. She knew that as soon as she got that intimate with anyone, she was then gonna forget all about them, not bothering to call them back, zero interest in any kind of commitment.</p><p> </p><p>How many expectations had she destroyed with a single but firm <em> "No."   </em></p><p> </p><p>She didn't want to do that to her best friend.</p><p> </p><p>Not to Raquel, no. She was the only one keeping her sane around here. </p><p> </p><p><em> For fuck's sake. </em>When had she become this needy? When had Raquel become her safety net? She wasn't the kind of person that leaned onto others for support. </p><p> </p><p>Her mind started traveling back in time, unraveling in front of her many moments she had found herself reaching out to Raquel.</p><p> </p><p>How many times had she been the one at her side in her dark moments? Without her needing to say anything, she would always be there, a supportive and silent friend, ready to carry her worries over her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn't realized till now, how much she needed her. Alicia was a tough and independent woman, that was undeniable, she would probably survive alone an entire apocalypse if needed.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel wasn't who she needed to survive, she simply made her survival better. She was the thread of light she needed to see better in the darkness she always liked to wrap herself in. </p><p> </p><p>She was the splash of color that made her days vibrate to life. She was the touch of kindness she needed when her bitterness started to annoy even herself.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was the push she needed to jump out of her fortress of solitude. She was the laugh that dried away her rare tears. She was the most annoying person she knew but even the only one she admired.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel Murillo was her best friend, her only constant, the only aspect in her life that prevented everything from collapsing into an infinite abyss of bitterness and empty feelings.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia had always known her future wasn't gonna be filled with laughing kids, a cute suburban house, a garden to care for, and maybe a dog or two. Her future was gonna be the one of a powerful woman, climbing her way into the rankings, fighting with her teeth and nails to reach the top.</p><p> </p><p>She was supposed to dedicate her life solely to her career, no distractions, no attachments, just occasional encounters she would have to relieve the tension.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing more on her agenda.</p><p> </p><p>That had always been the plan, till she had met that young girl on that faithful September day. The moment she had laid her eyes on Raquel, staring into the richness of her brown resolute irises, she knew things had started shifting in her future without her consent.</p><p> </p><p>She simply hadn't imagined they would turn upside down so abruptly.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed out and let herself fall on the couch, she turned her gaze toward the window and started observing the journey of some white clouds into the clear blue sky.</p><p> </p><p>Hours started passing by and she didn't move a muscle, too absorbed into her own thoughts to care for anything else.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel had tried to call her a couple of times, but Alicia had ignored her.</p><p> </p><p>When the evening started painting the sky in strokes of orange and pink, Alicia closed her eyes, losing herself in the darkness of her mind, where she thought she could find a safe refuge.</p><p> </p><p>There, in the silence of her own mind, with no distractions, where limits didn't exist, where she could venture into fantasies she could mold at her own pleasure, there she found Raquel. A soft smile printed over her lips, her brown eyes looking back at her with a knowing glim sparkling into them, Alicia finally surrendered to the deepest desires of her heart and fell into the longest sleep she had ever had.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Alexithymia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A comforting moment of the past crosses with the outcome of Alicia's vivid dreams. </p><p> </p><p>Alexithymia: an inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I will not even try to apologize for the lack of updates to this fic. Inspiration had simply vanished all of a sudden, then life had kept on going on around me, suddenly I received a message so simple and delicate about this story that I promised myself I had to continue this, because the only way to find inspiration is to keep writing, no matter what happens. Then my brain as it usually does has decided for its own where the story had to go so... Let's see where it's gonna take us. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The first time Raquel suffered her first broken heart, she was seven years old. It had been Julio Diaz, one of the funniest boys in the entire school. Raquel had thought that offering him a kiss after school in the quietness of her backyard would be fun.</p><p> </p><p>What Raquel didn't know was that the boy was gonna stop talking to her right from the next day. When she discovered he was giving kisses to other girls all around the school, Raquel understood for the first time how boys and girls roll differently.</p><p> </p><p>Along the years Raquel had her fair amount of broken hearts, from innocent kids promising to stay with her forever to grant themselves a soft peck on the lips, to those who would confess true love just to get into her pants.</p><p> </p><p>This never stopped her from enjoying herself. Always respectful of her significant other, never afraid of the commitment a relationship implied, Raquel kept on living her love stories like every other girl in the world. </p><p> </p><p>What frustrated her the most, wasn't that boys kept on being authentic jerks, it was the fact that her brain seemed unable to recall all her previous mistakes so that she found herself making them over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>It was a vicious cycle Raquel didn't seem able to stop. </p><p> </p><p>Until Alicia Sierra had entered her life.</p><p> </p><p>What Raquel liked about Alicia, was her ability to call out a jerk from thousands of miles away. She would always pinpoint to her who was worth the risk and who wasn't. </p><p> </p><p>She would tell her who was probably good in bed but not so funny to have around, to who was the one she should avoid for pleasure but that could be a great companion if she ever found herself in need of a good listener or someone to talk to.</p><p> </p><p>Obviously, Alicia had warned her about Ortigosa... and yet here she was, having sex with him in front of a camera.</p><p> </p><p>What had gotten into her and had pushed her to accept to do that... she couldn't say. He had asked nicely, seductively, she had thought it could be fun.</p><p> </p><p>And it had been fun. As long as the video had been safely hidden in his wardrobe, amongst his grey shirts and his worn jeans.</p><p> </p><p>When it came out and people started seeing and talking about it... well then it wasn't that fun anymore.</p><p> </p><p>The day it happened, Raquel was head deep into one of her books, her pencil bouncing endlessly between her fingertips, she was so concentrated that when people around her started looking at her and giggle, she didn't even notice.</p><p> </p><p>It was when a pair of well-known heels started clattering in her direction, that her brain finally registered she was in the middle of the cafeteria and people had started gathering around her table. </p><p> </p><p>"<em> Joder  </em>Raquel! What the fuck were you thinking?" was all Alicia hissed to her, before slamming her hands over the open book under her nose.</p><p> </p><p>"Good morning to you too Alicia." Raquel murmured, raising an amused eyebrow. Alicia wasn't the sweetest of people to have around first thing in the morning, but Raquel had grown fond of her attitude in the last year and a half.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was staring at her with unbelieving eyes, she was wearing her light green lenses today, her eyelashes dark and extremely long, her makeup impeccable as always. She looked too beautiful to be standing in a cafeteria filled with future cadets. She would perfectly fit on one of those magazines girls seemed to like so much nowadays.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you completely out of your mind?" she barked at her. Raquel frowned, not getting what was she referring to. It was then, right when Raquel tilted her head to the side, ready to ask her some enlightenment, that Alicia widened her eyes and her long fingers creased her book before she turned rapidly toward the crowd at her back.</p><p> </p><p>"What's so funny? <em> Hijos de puta! </em>" she growled, so aggressively that Raquel felt a thrill of fear run through her spine.</p><p> </p><p>"What is going on?" Raquel whispered, taking her by the wrist. Alicia blinked in her direction, her face a mask of anger and rage, Raquel felt every second more confused.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia turned toward her and pointed an index finger right to her face, "I am gonna kill him, I swear to God Raquel, I will kick his ass so much that he will not be able to sit for the rest of his life." those were Alicia's last words before she turned once again and stormed away from her table and into the crowd of people.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was still so confused about what had just happened, that when Alicia yelled: "Where the fuck are you Ortigosa? I have a kick in the balls with your name on it!" she almost missed it.</p><p> </p><p><em> Almost</em>.</p><p> </p><p>It took her just a couple of seconds to understand what had happened. It was then that she felt watched, so many eyes were looking at her, so many giggles echoed in the cafeteria. Her heart started pounding loudly in her ribcage, her brain had a hard time sending her muscles the input she needed to get up and run away.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to run away, <em> oh so desperately. </em></p><p> </p><p>She gathered all her belongings, avoiding eye contact, her head bound, she felt a blush of shame creeping up her neck, coloring her cheeks, she just wished the floor could open up and swallow her out of her misery.</p><p> </p><p>She shoved the books in her black backpack and then threw it over her shoulder and rushed away. The faster she walked, the louder the voices around her grew. It seemed as if the entire academy was suddenly talking about her.</p><p> </p><p>Her breath shortening, Raquel made a quick turn toward the nearest exit and pushed the door open. The sweet air of that morning of April invaded her nostrils, for a quick blissed moment, Raquel felt how her entire body relaxed, her heart slowing down its pace, she swallowed and closed her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>When someone bumped into her shoulder, forcing her to open her eyes, interrupting the moment, anxiety kicked in again.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel clutched her hand around her backpack, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks, she felt miserable.</p><p> </p><p>Right when she was starting to ask herself how much would it cost her a flight ticket to Alaska, a familiar hand squeezed her by the elbow.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't give them the satisfaction." Alicia murmured, dragging her away. Raquel didn't protest, nor she said a single thing, she let Alicia drag her away, far away from all the eyes she suddenly felt glued to her body.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Alicia opened the door to her fancy apartment, Raquel rushed in, the tears she had been keeping at bay finally rolled down and she started sobbing quietly, throwing herself onto the leather couch in the middle of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia had kept quiet during the whole trip, she had forced Raquel inside of her car and had driven away, no words spoken, just the sound of traffic as she drove as fast as she could.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel had been staring outside of the window the entire time, quietly chewing at her lower lip, feeling as the <em>gilipollas </em>she knew she was.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm gonna get changed," said Alicia, walking toward her bedroom, her heels dangling in one hand, her bag in the other. She disappeared for just a bunch of minutes, but Raquel was so lost in her own despair, that it could have been even hours and she would have never noticed.</p><p> </p><p>When the smell of coffee reached her, Raquel looked up and toward the kitchen. There she was, her hair loose on her shoulders, she was wearing a comfy white sweater and her usual black leggings, her feet bare. </p><p> </p><p>She was a vision so familiar and comfortable, that for a moment Raquel felt like her heart could leap out of her chest. She felt suddenly safe as if just being here with her was already repairing the damage to her heart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh, she had been so stupid and naive. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was still quiet, filling to the brim two mugs with dark rich coffee. She approached the couch and let Raquel's favorite mug on the table, before sitting at her side, one leg dangling above the other, she started drinking while looking outside of the window.</p><p> </p><p>One of her arms was stretched welcomingly on the edge of the couch, Raquel pursed her lips and sniffed, standing up a bit. Alicia looked at her briefly, her face impassive, she blinked her eyes a couple of times, before tilting her head softly to the side.</p><p> </p><p>Then was when Raquel gave in to her sudden urge to seek comfort and claimed a place under her arm. Alicia didn't shy away, she let her relax against her, her head on her chest, Raquel could feel the beating of her heart quietly drumming under the soft cotton of her sweater. </p><p> </p><p>She felt immediately better. Her eyes closed instinctively, her hands stopped shivering, her head stopped pounding and her heart suddenly felt lighter. </p><p> </p><p>Alicia kept quiet, the smell of coffee completed that quiet and domestic moment, Raquel had never felt safer in her entire life. When Alicia started stroking her arm with the tip of her fingers, a shiver ran through Raquel's spine. It felt good to be taken care of.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel couldn't really tell how long they sat like that, but she didn't even care, time didn't matter right now, all that she cared for was the solidity of Alicia's chest under her cheek, the delicate strokes of her fingers over her arm and the reassuring sound of her heart beating quietly and steadily.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you." she suddenly felt the need to say, a whisper she let out in the silence. Alicia sipped at her coffee and clicked her tongue, but no words came out of her lips.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm such an idiot." Raquel murmured, feeling a new wave of shame growing in the pit of her stomach. She just wanted this to all go away, rewind time, and slap some sense into herself. She would also like to slap Ortigosa, but she also knew Alicia would have been more than happy to do it for her.</p><p> </p><p>"He's the idiot." Alicia finally said, shaking her head. "I made sure he destroyed it." she added, before starting to play softly with her hair, stroking one strand after the other, in such a delicate manner that Raquel felt her heart squeeze painfully in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>"Did you..." she started a question she didn't know how to finish, Alicia stopped stroking her hair at that and inhaled deeply.</p><p> </p><p>"No I haven't." she answered before Raquel could ask. "And nobody else will, ever again." she muttered gravely, her tone cold and rigid. She was mad. At him, at her, she couldn't really tell.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel closed her eyes and sighed out, feeling weirdly relieved that her best friend hadn't seen that stupid video. Strangely, the notion that many strangers and classmates had seen it, didn't feel as bad as the idea of Alicia seeing it.</p><p> </p><p>It was probably because Alicia was the only person Raquel didn't want to let down. She knew that what she had done was disappointing, especially for someone so discreet and reserved as Alicia.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel knew she was gonna lecture her about her behavior. She had warned her multiple times to not be that naive, especially around boys, especially around<em> him</em>. Raquel had always thought she was too smart to fall for any kind of trap.</p><p> </p><p>Obviously, Alicia had been right, as always.</p><p> </p><p>"You should drink your coffee before it gets cold." Alicia said softly, pushing her away slightly, so she could offer her the steaming mug. Raquel stretched her muscles and slipped out of the comfortable cocoon she had found into Alicia's arms.</p><p> </p><p>"Here." Alicia whispered, looking into her eyes with incredible softness. Raquel took the mug in her hands and smiled gratefully. Then Alicia stroked her temple, her cheekbone, her finger drew a path over her jawline, she took her chin between her fingers and brought her closer, until their foreheads met. </p><p> </p><p>"They will forget all about this in no time. You'll see." she whispered, withdrawing slightly, locking their eyes, smiling smugly, "Drink your coffee and then go freshen up a bit, you are a mess." she mocked her, softly slapping her over the cheek, standing up with a soft sigh.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you." Raquel murmured, sipping at her lukewarm coffee, enjoying the bitter taste on the tip of her tongue.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia put her mug in the sink and turned toward her again, smirking softly. "You're such an idiot." she murmured, chuckling when Raquel sucked at her lower lip blushing slightly, at that they both burst out laughing.</p><p> </p><p>They laughed and laughed until Raquel's stomach started hurting and she had tears streaming down her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>It was when the laughter subsided that she realized she was feeling suddenly better, really better. Her heart was lighter and it had stopped squeezing painfully. Her eyes were slightly burning and her head was still pounding numbly, but she felt good, already able to laugh about it.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia had done that, she had offered her the comfort she needed, without an amazing speech about men's stupidity or a maternal lecture. She had simply offered Raquel her presence, a hot cup of coffee, and had sat there quietly.</p><p> </p><p>It could seem like something every good friend would do, but coming from Alicia, it was more than just that. Raquel felt suddenly so honored and grateful to be seen by her as someone worthy of her time, that she wanted to start crying all over again but for very different reasons.</p><p> </p><p>"You want to sleep here?" Alicia asked, interrupting the moment as if she had sensed the new tension and wanted to avoid this conversation now. Raquel hummed, Alicia nodded and walked past her.</p><p> </p><p>"Let me gonna grab something to eat, take a shower and..." she turned toward her, her coat in her hands, "Try to look presentable when I get back." she joked, opening the door and closing it at her back.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel giggled and shook her head, finishing her coffee in one gulp.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as the hot water met her naked body, her muscles started relaxing and she sighed deeply, letting the water jet wash away all the tension, pushing away the shame and giving her back some of her dignity.</p><p> </p><p>She was gonna be fine. The same couldn't be said about Ortigosa. Raquel would make sure of that... if Alicia had left something of him worth destroying, of course.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a quiet and soft ask for permission at first.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>This time it seemed to be more urgent.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The third round seemed more like a series of fists banging against her white front door. Alicia closed her eyes shut and sighed out, throwing the book she had been trying to read for the last hours, over the coffee table, walking toward the door.</p><p> </p><p>She knew who it was without the need to look in the peephole.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey." Raquel said, her hair slightly messy, her cheeks were the soft color of peaches and she was breathing heavily.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Had she been jogging till here? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hey." Alicia murmured, leaning against the door, one hand over her hip. Raquel pursed her lips.</p><p> </p><p>"So you're alive then." she whispered, nodding, her eyes scanning her friend briefly from head to toe. </p><p> </p><p>"I am." she said, feeling the sudden need to close the door again and go back to pretend to read her boring boring book. </p><p> </p><p>"Right... well, I was just checking, since you haven't returned any of my calls... I was worried." Raquel added, tilting her head, one eyebrow raised in irritation.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia sighed out and looked at her in silence. She knew Raquel wasn't gonna let it drop that easily, so she spread one arm toward the living room and tilted her head to invite her in.</p><p> </p><p>"Thanks." Raquel muttered, before walking in. Her bag dangling from her hands, she turned on her heels and looked at her, while she closed the front door.</p><p> </p><p>When they were face to face again, Alicia crossed her arms defensively. Raquel looked at her in silence for a long bunch of seconds, studying her expression and her body language. Alicia hated how good her friend was at reading people, but most of all she hated how open she was around her as if she couldn't help herself.</p><p> </p><p>"What's wrong?" Raquel asked her in a murmur, she wanted to call her out on whatever bullshit she had prepared, Alicia knew it, so she decided to keep it neutral and shrug it away.</p><p> </p><p>"I was just in need of some solitude." she said, starting to walk toward the kitchen, avoiding eye contact could help her get away from this.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn't surely gonna tell her about the little tricks her brain had started delivering her, invading her routine, making it impossible to stop thinking about things she shouldn't be thinking of.</p><p> </p><p>"You want something to drink?" she asked her politely, filling herself a glass with water, sipping at it slowly, she needed to be focused on something else than her best friend at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>"No." Raquel said, throwing her bag over the couch, casting a glance at the book she had left on the table. "Since when do you read this stuff?" she asked her, her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.</p><p> </p><p>"I was bored." Alicia simply said, looking at her from over the brim of her glass, hoping she would get the hint and leave soon.</p><p> </p><p>She could use a nap. She hadn't been sleeping that much lately.</p><p> </p><p>It had been almost a week since they had been back from their weekend, and Alicia had purposefully ignored every one of her calls. She knew this was going to happen soon, Raquel didn't like it when people shut her off, but mostly she didn't like it when Alicia did.</p><p> </p><p>At the beginning of their friendship, Alicia had done her best to make it clear how she behaved around people. She had immediately tried to<em> train  </em>Raquel to her way of living. She didn't like physical contact, she didn't like to talk if it wasn't necessary, she loved to be alone most of her free time.</p><p> </p><p>Simple rules for a better relationship. What Alicia hadn't expected, was for her rules to be broken almost immediately, by herself nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel had always respected her private time and space, she had immediately perceived that Alicia was different. Raquel was open and loved to talk to people, she loved to be surrounded by nice boys and girls, she liked the company of other human beings and she surely wasn't the quiet and reserved type.</p><p> </p><p>So when Alicia had understood how Raquel lived her life, like every other person basically, she had immediately discarded the idea they could become more than acquaintances. Even if Alicia liked her and the way her brain worked fascinated her, not to mention the fact that she felt extremely challenged whenever they were around each other, she still didn't think they could develop anything more than a friendly rivalry.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia liked to talk to her in class, and in the entire academy she was the less boring person she had met, she was simply gonna enjoy her company if she had to. Nothing more than that.</p><p> </p><p>This had been the plan, what she had thought was going to happen. Time though had proved her wrong.</p><p> </p><p>It had taken just a couple of months for Raquel to start becoming more and more interesting, even pleasant, Alicia had involuntarily started to develop some sort of<em> dependency </em>from her presence, she liked to have her around and she found herself thinking about her even when she was hiding in the solitude of her apartment.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia had always liked to be alone, reading books, watching movies, whatever she could do to keep herself busy would do, but surely not people. Surely not friendship.</p><p> </p><p>She enjoyed having some random encounters, she had needs and sometimes those needs had to be satisfied, but nothing more than that really.</p><p> </p><p>Until Raquel Murillo had entered her life. </p><p> </p><p>That tiny insufferable woman had started digging a path into her routine, making herself comfortable, finding her spot, a place she could claim as her own, right inside the solitude Alicia loved so much.</p><p> </p><p>What was most surprising of all, wasn't the easiness with which Raquel had started enjoying Alicia's company, no matter how annoying and bitter she could be sometimes, but it was the way Alicia had started opening up, inviting her inside of her privacy, giving her a chance to peek inside of her own life, allowing her to claim that spot within her loneliness. The loneliness she had enjoyed so much till now.</p><p> </p><p>At first, Alicia had started asking herself if she suffered from some sort of weird attraction toward the girl, maybe it was just that, maybe her body was so attracted to her, that her brain was unable to respect the boundaries she had developed over the years.</p><p> </p><p>But the truth was that Alicia found Raquel intriguing, she was curious to get to know her, she wanted to hear what she thought and what she believed in. When they disagreed on something, Alicia found out it was interesting to debate and to exchange opinions, she loved to disagree with her, especially because Raquel didn't like to lose or to be wrong about something, just like her.</p><p> </p><p>What had drawn them together was probably the similarity between their personalities, they were both competitive, smart, witty... but where Alicia fought for dominance more for fun and personal pleasure, Raquel fought for a sense of justice she had to get at any cost.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia didn't share most of Raquel's beliefs or opinions on many matters, but instead of pushing them away from each other, this difference seemed to be attracting them together, the more they argued the more they grew closer.</p><p> </p><p>She hated how natural had become for her to think about Raquel, to seek her presence, to feel the need of being around her. Alicia wanted to be independent, from people and emotional needs. She wanted to be free and happy in her own company.</p><p> </p><p>But it was undeniable how close to her she had become, how far she had pushed herself, and once she had discovered how it felt to be around someone like Raquel, Alicia simply didn't know how to stop, nor she seemed to want it to stop.</p><p> </p><p>She enjoyed her company, she liked her presence around her, she wanted to keep her close because she loved the way Raquel made her feel...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She was in big trouble. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"So, you just needed some alone time." Raquel murmured, walking in slow steps toward the kitchen area. Alicia blinked in her direction, her brain calculating exactly how much time would it take for her to be right in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>She felt like a deer trying to stand still while a wild wolf was circling her, ready to attack her tender flesh and end her life once and for all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It's just Raquel, stay calm, you idiot. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, nothing new, just the old me." she whispered, turning on her heels to avoid the imminent eye contact. Raquel stopped behind her, her hands cupped on her lower back, she leaned over the table.</p><p> </p><p>"I haven't seen the old you since quite a bit." her friend said, "What forced you to bring her back?" she asked as if she was talking about two distinct people.</p><p> </p><p>Truth be told, Alicia was starting to feel exactly as if she was split in half, two sides of the same coin, not exactly knowing which one was better and completely out of control over them.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm fine Raquel, stop being so annoying." Alicia turned her head so she could peek at her from over her shoulder, "You missed me that much uh?" she tried to joke, to lighten up the mood, or simply to hide her discomfort.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel's expression was stern and rigid, her features seemed to be frozen over one single emotion of<em> skepticism.  </em></p><p> </p><p>"Actually..." she started to say, withdrawing from the table, leaning over the sink, right at her side, "I wanted to tell you that I'm leaving." she eventually said, her tone calm, steady.</p><p> </p><p>"Leaving? Where are you going?" Alicia asked, trying to focus over her hands, she had started washing repeatedly the only mug in the sink, the way the warm water filled it and made the foam grow was helping her feel calmer.</p><p> </p><p>"I am moving to Barcelona." she said.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was nodding slowly, till her brain registered her words completely.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Moving. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Barcelona. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"What?" she blinked in her direction, the water streaming into the pipes incessantly. Raquel was staring at her with intensity, studying her reaction.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm moving, in less than a month I will leave Madrid." she said again. Every single word she pronounced felt like a knife slicing deeply into Alicia's flesh.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Alicia asked again, a soft whisper that escaped her mouth swiftly, like a butterfly escaping a kid's grasp.</p><p> </p><p>"It's clean." Raquel said, referring to the mug in her hands, before sighing out and withdrawing from the sink. "I just wanted to let you know." she stated, walking toward her bag, picking it up, and securing it over her shoulder. "In case you wanted to spend some time together before I had to leave." she pursed her lips, her eyes fell heavily over her.</p><p> </p><p>"Guess I could have saved myself the trouble." she hissed, turning on her heels, aiming at the door. </p><p> </p><p>"Wait." Alicia said, too softly for her to hear. "Wait Raquel!" she yelled this time, forcing Raquel to abruptly stop, her hand halted over the doorknob.</p><p> </p><p>The mug Alicia had in her hands slipped into the sink, she didn't bother to close the faucet, her hands dripping foam and hot water all over the floor, she jogged to Raquel.</p><p> </p><p>"What the fuck are you saying?" she muttered once Raquel was close enough to hear her broken whisper.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm saying that I'm moving to Barcelona in less than a month. As simple as that." Raquel whispered, without looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I heard that. Care to explain to me what does it mean?" Alicia's heart was starting to pound loudly in her temples, her blood rushing through her veins, she felt her fingertips prickling in anticipation, eager to grab onto something and shred it to pieces.</p><p> </p><p>"It means just that I will not be in Madrid anymore. It doesn't seem so hard to understand." Raquel muttered, she sounded angry, <em>why was she angry?  </em></p><p> </p><p>"You never told me you wanted to move. Besides... where the fuck are you gonna live? Uh? What about the academy? What about your parents?" Alicia's brain started rummaging through all the pretexts it could find to make her realize how absurd the idea of moving was.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel inhaled deeply, her brown eyes finally settled on her, she smiled sadly. </p><p> </p><p>"My parents will pay for a small apartment. The academy is sending me there on purpose, to follow up some extra courses and a six months stage. I will be gone for a year more or less. I am doing this for my future." she said coldly, crossing her arms.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia blinked in her direction, frowned, and licked her lips. Her throat was so dry, she felt like she hadn't drunk in ages. "All of a sudden? Just like that?"</p><p> </p><p>Raquel kept watching her in silence for a long moment, before shaking her head, her brown eyes were quivering, her features tensing. </p><p> </p><p>"I applied a couple of months ago. It was all full so I knew I had no chance to get in, but then something happened to someone and suddenly there's a free spot and they offered it to me immediately." she said.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was having a hard time processing all those information, her brain was fuzzy and her body was so tense that she started feeling pain. "Barcelona..." was all she managed to choke out. Her eyes lost for a moment in the intricate dance of the marble at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>"Barcelona." Raquel murmured back, her arms dangling at her sides now. It was then that she noticed the water was still streaming rapidly into the sink. She scoffed and strode toward it, closing the faucet. </p><p> </p><p>"Damn it." she hissed, when she realized Alicia had made quite a mess on the floor, several puddles of water were scattered all over, she almost slipped.</p><p> </p><p>"What the hell Alicia." she said, taking a white towel from a drawer, trying to dry it up as best as she could.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia blinked in her direction but didn't register what was happening. All she could think of was the fact that her best friend was gonna move to a city six hours away from her.</p><p> </p><p>And suddenly she didn't know how to breathe properly, nor how to talk or walk. She couldn't move a single muscle and it all felt extremely pathetic.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you just gonna stand there?" Raquel asked her once she was satisfied with her work in the kitchen. "Alicia?" she murmured her name, approaching her slowly. </p><p> </p><p>"You can't go." Alicia whispered, so softly that Raquel frowned, signaling she didn't catch her words. Alicia was shaking her head, pursing her lips, her neck painfully tense.</p><p> </p><p>She felt the urgent need to cry.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Pathetic indeed.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"You can't go." she said again, her voice trembling painfully, her throat constricting so strongly that breathing in and out was starting to become almost impossible. </p><p> </p><p>Raquel was close enough now to hear, her brown eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. Her chin trembling, she started biting at her lower lip to prevent herself from dramatically breaking into tears.</p><p> </p><p>"You can't." Alicia repeated. Raquel didn't say a word, she just approached her till she had stepped into her personal space, invading it as she always did.</p><p> </p><p>"Why not?" she whispered, her body heat so close that Alicia felt it expanding over her own skin. </p><p> </p><p>"Because you can't..." Alicia said again, she didn't dare to meet her eyes though, too afraid of the collapse she would have if she did so. She was a tough girl, but not that tough apparently.</p><p> </p><p>"But I have to." Raquel murmured. She was so close that Alicia could count how many breaths she took in and out, just by looking at how her chest rose up and down under her shirt. "I have to..." Raquel said again, this time one of her hands traveled toward Alicia's head, she gently stroked her red hair, their foreheads met and they stayed there in silence for a long moment.</p><p> </p><p>"Just promise to call me once in a while so I don't worry too much." Raquel murmured, causing Alicia to suppress a broken chuckle. "I am gonna call you no matter what, so you better pick up your phone before I make it explode." she joked, even if the heaviness in her voice made it clear she was having a hard time saying goodbye as well.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn't leaving at that exact moment, and yet it felt as if once she had stepped out of the apartment, she was never gonna come back.</p><p> </p><p>"It's gonna be just a year, it will pass rapidly." she lied out loud, before withdrawing slowly, looking at her, trying to meet her eyes. Alicia didn't even try to look at her, fully aware of the futility of such a gesture.</p><p> </p><p>"Just... don't forget about me." Raquel whispered, before imprinting a wet warm kiss over her forehead, forcing Alicia's heart to squeeze painfully, her legs almost gave up on her. She felt like ice melting in Raquel's burning proximity.</p><p> </p><p>"Goodbye." Raquel sniffed, withdrawing rapidly away, aiming for the front door, rushing out of it so fast that it almost felt as if she had never been there.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia remained in total silence for a long moment, standing in the emptiness of her apartment, then tears started burning in her irises. She felt like a complete idiot. The warm mark Raquel's lips had left on her sensitive skin, the only reminder of her best friend's last request.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Don't forget about me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alicia sniffed and gulped, giving a chance to her body to release the tension she had strictly kept at bay till now. Tears started to roll down her cheeks, her vision blurred, she reached for the couch and sat down slowly, her body tensing under the pressure of her emotions, she collapsed on the cushions.</p><p> </p><p>She knew, that whatever was going to happen in the year ahead of her, forgetting Raquel wasn't a choice.</p><p> </p><p>Less than a month and Raquel was gonna be 314 miles away from her. She had avoided her the last days because too afraid of her feelings and now all those feelings were kicking her right in the guts, knocking the air out of her lungs, making it almost impossible to breathe. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Idiot. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She didn't know what she was gonna do, how she was gonna do it, what she knew was that she had less than a month to come to terms with what was happening.</p><p> </p><p>She had to fix this once and for all. </p><p> </p><p>Telling Raquel?</p><p> </p><p>Faking everything was perfectly fine and wearing her usual stoic facade?</p><p> </p><p>Hiding once again in the fortress of solitude she had lived her whole life in?</p><p> </p><p>Her whole life before Raquel...</p><p> </p><p>The life she didn't know how to get back to anymore. Was she ever gonna be able to step into her old habits? Or was she condemned to feel like this for the rest of her days? Incapable to control her feelings, unable to understand what was going on in her head? Forced to long after the one and only friend she had ever had?</p><p> </p><p>The friend that was gonna move to another city in less than a month and that had left her with the most dramatic and heartbreaking goodbye she had ever experienced?</p><p> </p><p>Had she ever feared losing someone as she was afraid of losing her?</p><p> </p><p>The truth was that Alicia had never once felt this strongly toward someone else that wasn't her. She probably had never felt like this before period. This was why she was so afraid of what was happening to her, all these emotions swirling inside of her felt like a storm growing at terrific speed, the outcome unknown and scary, no safety net, no restrictions, and no limits to what could happen.</p><p> </p><p>The uncertainty and the lack of control were shaking her to the core.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia Sierra was good at working under pressure, feeling challenged by the events unraveling around her in the simulations at the academy excited her. When it came down to emotions and real life, it was another matter though.</p><p> </p><p>This time there weren't rules to break simply to get to the nerves of the professors, nor there was the thrill of challenging one of the other cadets just to study their reaction and their ability to work in uncharted territory. This time the challenge was on her and her only.</p><p> </p><p>Her brain didn't seem able to work fast enough around the problem to find a solution. There was no escape from her own mind. Her thoughts were too loud to ignore them, the vivid dreams too bright and detailed to forget them. Her heart was beating in a discordant rhythm, making it hard to keep it under control, always too unpredictable.</p><p> </p><p>She was fucked. No book was gonna tell her what to do, her instincts numbed from her own stupid emotions, her body uncooperative, all of this because of her best friend.</p><p> </p><p>Her best friend who had no idea of what was happening to her, unaware of the turmoil she was going through, unable to help her in any way, oblivious to the real reasons behind her behavior.</p><p> </p><p>She had to fix this. She had to find a solution and fast.</p><p> </p><p>She owed it to her old self.</p><p> </p><p>She owed it to Raquel.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Ta'ra</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ta'ra: Goodbye</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I want just to thank you all for not giving up on me and this fic. It's taking me some time to process all the thoughts and ideas I have for this story, life and work are taking a toll on me, but I want to keep going forward, even if I am not sure where this is going. I still need to read the comments I received for the last chapter, I will though because I really appreciate knowing what you think of it. That being said, enjoy this chapter and bear with me through this journey. Lots of love to you my beautiful Ralicia nation!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em> Three weeks and one day till departure. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Really?" a laugh bubbled out of her lungs.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was chatting and laughing with some of the other students in her same course. She didn't know them that much, she knew their names, their faces, they were nice and funny, but nothing more than that.</p><p> </p><p>It was a warm day and they were enjoying their break in the giant meadow outside the academy. She was sitting on the green grass with her brown hair unfixed over her back. Her fingers diving between the tender blades, she enjoyed the warmth of the sun over her back.</p><p> </p><p>Some of the boys were joking around, telling funny stories, listening to them didn't require too much effort, so Raquel had claimed a spot in the circle with them and enjoyed the presence of other human beings around her.</p><p> </p><p>One of the girls, Helena if she remembered correctly, softly bumped the elbow against her side, one cigarette between her fingers, a nice smile printed over her lips.</p><p> </p><p>"Thanks." Raquel murmured, taking the cigarette the girl was offering and accepting the fire she lit up for her. </p><p> </p><p>One long drag and the burning thick smoke invaded her system. Raquel sighed out and leaned back over the green grass, her muscles melting at the contact with the warm green expanding under her body.</p><p> </p><p>"This feels nice." she murmured with her eyes closed. </p><p> </p><p>"It does, right?" Helena whispered, leaning at her side. Raquel smiled and turned toward her, she found her staring at her with a deep smirk gracing her rose-colored lips.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah..." Raquel exhaled, blinking a couple of times, feeling suddenly exposed under the girl's stare. She seemed to be studying her, observing her from such a short distance, such an intimate proximity, it made her feel too self-conscious.</p><p> </p><p>"We should hang out more." Helena murmured, turning over her stomach, tilting her head to the side, her deep black eyes steady over Raquel's features.</p><p> </p><p>"We should?" she asked, giggling nervously.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What was happening? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Definetly." Helena said, chuckling, making Raquel laugh as well.</p><p> </p><p>"Sounds like a plan." Raquel said, taking a long deep drag from her cigarette, trying to convey her attention over that simple action, to distract her mind from the sudden tension.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't know what was happening exactly, but the way this girl was looking at her made her feel vulnerable. She didn't know what to do about that.</p><p> </p><p>What Raquel, nor Helena, couldn't see, was the girl standing few meters from them, her long red hair flowing in the warm air, her fake green eyes steady over the scene unfolding in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>Helena started talking softly to Raquel, making some silly jokes, causing her to laugh joyfully. Alicia, standing too far away to hear, could only observe their body language and a shrill pang hit her right through the chest.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't know who the other girl was, maybe she did see her around the academy but had never paid too much attention to her features, nor she had felt the need to acknowledge her presence.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she should have.</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled deeply in the sweet warm air, closed her eyes, and tried to regain some sort of control over herself.</p><p> </p><p>When she blinked her eyes open again, she saw the way the other girl had started to lean even closer to Raquel, her Raquel.</p><p> </p><p><em> You don't own her.  </em>She reproached herself.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel seemed comfortable around this girl, maybe they knew each other, maybe this person had slipped from her attention, she usually knew all the people Raquel talked to. She hadn't many close friends but was naturally friendly with everyone, so it wasn't that unusual to see her laugh or talk to other people easily as if they knew each other since ever.</p><p> </p><p>The difference between the nice and friendly Raquel to the actual friend and life partner was clear to Alicia and just other few people. She tried to hold on to that thought while looking at the girls laughing in the green grass in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>After few lazy minutes, that seemed to stretch around her incessantly, Alicia blinked and cleared her throat, nodding to herself.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel was leaving Madrid in three weeks, she was going to live for an entire year, if not even more, in another city, far away from her home, her family, her friends... from her.</p><p> </p><p>Looking at the way she was now laughing heartily while covering her face with the palm of her hands, the other girl so close that if they moved too rapidly their heads would bump one against the other, Alicia realized that her friend was gonna be fine.</p><p> </p><p>She would fall into new habits in a heartbeat, making new friends easily, finding her place among them instinctively. She was probably even going to find someone special. Someone who would share the most intimates aspects of life with her.</p><p> </p><p>The thought turned her blood ice cold for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You don't own her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alicia bit at her lower lip, she had come to the academy hoping to see Raquel, or more precisely to be seen by her. She hadn't the courage to go to her place or to invite her to talk. She was a coward, all of a sudden, so she thought that the only way she had to see her and maybe try and talk, was to force herself into a place where she knew sooner or later they would have to cross paths.</p><p> </p><p>When had she become this fragile... she couldn't really say. She didn't like to be this vulnerable, she had never felt like this before, so she had no idea how was she supposed to act, or how could she try to solve the problem.</p><p> </p><p>If it was to be considered a problem at all.</p><p> </p><p>Was it a problem to see your feelings for a friend grow into something more defined and profound over time? </p><p> </p><p>Was it a problem to feel that kind of connection with someone? To feel intimate enough to share a house for a weekend or two, cooking and eating together, taking a shower while the other cleaned up while singing to her favorite song? Was it a problem to share even a bed to not let her drive all the way back home in the middle of the night?</p><p> </p><p>Was it a problem to suddenly feel the need to share more? More than night talks, more than books and exams, more than a trip once a year in summer. Was it a problem to feel the desire to share every single hour of your day with someone else?</p><p> </p><p>Someone who you suddenly wanted to see in the morning, the afternoon, the evening, and all night long right by your side?</p><p> </p><p>Was it a problem to feel these kinds of needs for someone else? Probably not.</p><p> </p><p>Was it a problem for Alicia Sierra to feel such things? Absolutely yes.</p><p> </p><p>Was it a problem to feel them for Raquel Murillo? Was it even a question?</p><p> </p><p>When the stranger looked in her direction and squeezed her eyes, Alicia was too lost in thoughts to notice. When Raquel's rich brown eyes followed though, and their stares met, Alicia swallowed hard.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel had the ghost of a happy smile printed over her lips, even from here Alicia could see it vibrating in her features. </p><p> </p><p>What made it even worse, was the way the smile faded completely as soon as Raquel recognized her. She turned completely over one side, blinking in her direction a few times, before adverting her gaze, clear discomfort now painted over her face.</p><p> </p><p>The other girl squeezed her eyes one last time in Alicia's direction, before looking back at Raquel, seemingly worried.</p><p> </p><p>She leaned closer, if that was possible, and murmured something to her best friend, checking on her. Raquel nodded, looked briefly in her general direction, and rose to a seated position, wrapping her arms around herself.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia's throat was now completely dry. She bowed her head to the ground and observed the way the blades of grass bounced under her lightweight. It felt comforting to focus her attention on something so natural, the world around her was unaffected by the events happening in her life, it felt liberating to feel part of that world, even if just for a brief moment.</p><p> </p><p>And it was just a brief moment. Because all of a sudden a shadow had expanded over the green grass and made it clear someone was standing in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia knew it was her, without the need to look up, she would recognize her silhouette among a million others, not to mention the scent of her skin, prickling at her nose from this close.</p><p> </p><p>"I thought I had to leave without seeing you ever again." Raquel murmured, her rich voice was low and calibrated, her words were meant for her and her only. Alicia swallowed down hard and looked up.</p><p> </p><p>When their eyes met, for a moment the world around them seemed to slow down the pace, to grant them those precious seconds to last a bit longer, as if even the trees around them were eager to hear Alicia's answer.</p><p> </p><p>She had nothing to offer them though. Just as she had nothing to offer Raquel.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Pathetic. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Raquel tilted her head, without wasting any more words over her silence, sensing that she wasn't gonna get an answer from her, not now, not here. Maybe never. She didn't really know.</p><p> </p><p>When Alicia had gathered enough courage to finally speak up, a new figure appeared behind Raquel's back.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey there stranger." the girl from before cheerfully said, she instantly placed herself at Raquel's side, as if she had every right to stand that close to her. As if she wanted to claim that spot as her own.</p><p> </p><p><em> Who the fuck are you?  </em>Seemed to say the look Alicia shot her.</p><p> </p><p>"Everythings alright Raquel?" the girl asked, without tearing her eyes off of Alicia.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel smiled softly, her brown eyes didn't shift from the silent redhead standing uncertain and shivering in front of her. Her stare felt so familiar and yet so cold and distant, that Alicia felt suddenly powerless, unable to move a muscle.</p><p> </p><p>She had to regain control of the situation, she was Alicia fucking Sierra, for the love of God, there wasn't a single person in the world she didn't know how to shush with just one look.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly though, the presence of this stranger, who had intruded into the moment she and Raquel were sharing, had destabilized her so much that she didn't know how to react.</p><p> </p><p>"Who's your friend?" the girl asked, tilting her head in what seemed to be curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel squeezed her eyes, pursed her lips, and then looked at the stranger, a bright smile stretching over her lips. "Excuse us for a moment Helena." she said, before her hand found its place around Alicia's, they exchanged a quick glance and as they were used to always do, moved away in perfect sync.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia still felt extremely confused, but didn't dare to speak a word, while Raquel started walking away from the girl, the park, it seemed as if she was trying to escape the entire world, her hand tightening around Alicia's fingers.</p><p> </p><p>It was a familiar gesture, but right now it felt aggressive almost, Raquel wasn't accompanying her somewhere, she was forcing her to go where she wanted, no questions asked.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia obliged. She didn't ask, she didn't hold back, she just followed her wherever she wanted to take her.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel's legs were moving rapidly, she was almost jogging, Alicia was having a hard time following her pace.</p><p> </p><p>When they abruptly stop, she realized they were now hidden in the little forest that stretched around the academy, the same forest she had found herself gazing at during the boring classes she didn't really care to pay attention to.</p><p> </p><p>Her fake green eyes got lost between the branches and the leaves hovering upon their heads, the sun sneaking between them seemed to be conceived of gold and silver, shining around them, painting the scene in a surreal amber-like halo.</p><p> </p><p>"What the fuck is going on Alicia?" Raquel's voice snapped her out of her trance. Alicia blinked in her direction a couple of times, before taking an involuntary step back as soon as she met Raquel's heavy stare.</p><p> </p><p>She seemed mad.</p><p> </p><p>She had every right to be.</p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean?" Alicia said, clearing her throat in an attempt to seem superior to the feelings growing in the pit of her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>"Unbelievable." Raquel scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. "How long is gonna take you to finally tell me what the fuck is wrong with you?" she asked bitterly, her hands on her hips.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia lowered her eyes to the ground, feeling the texture of the dry leaves crushing under the tip of her boots, concentrating her attention over something else, anything except the young woman in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm leaving in three weeks Alicia." Raquel said, her voice thick and firm. "Are you gonna stop being such a child before then? Or are we just gonna end this once and for all?" her question hanged unanswered in the distance between them.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia bit at her lower lip, closed her eyes briefly, and then sighed out, trying to release some of the tension. She looked back at Raquel, her friend was patiently waiting, once again, to get an answer.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Say something. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alicia shrugged. "What do you want me to say?" was all that her stupid brain was able to think of.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel looked at her in silence, her brown eyes didn't shy away from her, she straightened up her back and nodded with herself. "You're wasting my time." she hissed, before turning with a scoff and starting to march out of the woods, leaving her behind.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia felt the way her heart squeezed painfully, every muscle in her body was burning with the urge to move and follow her. Tears filled with rage, toward herself solely, were already gathering in the corner of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Raquel!" she managed to choke out before she had disappeared from her view. "Wait!" she said again, taking a couple of tentative steps toward her. She didn't trust her body to walk her all the way toward Raquel.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" was all that Raquel offered her, peeking at her from over her shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>Alicia blinked, inhaled, then did the only thing she was able to.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't forget to send me a postcard." </p><p> </p><p>She fucked up.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel didn't say a thing, she nodded, lowered her gaze to her feet, took a moment to gather all her strength not to punch her in the face, then resumed her walk and disappeared out of the woods.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia was then left alone between the tall trees, and there, with the warm sun stroking her face from above, the green leaves singing in the wind, Alicia cried.</p><p> </p><p>Quietly, in reverent silence, she sobbed. Her heart, breaking beyond repair. She knew the damage was all her doing. She was the one to blame.</p><p> </p><p>And she wouldn't have wanted it to be any other way.</p><p> </p><p>It was her fault and she deserved to feel every single ounce of pain she was feeling. She did this to herself because she had been oblivious all her life to human emotions.</p><p> </p><p>She had left her guard down at some point, without even realizing it, she had welcomed in Raquel as a friend, giving her a chance to make her see what it was like to be cared for, to be important for someone else.</p><p> </p><p>She had left the situation run out of control. She could have stopped it. She could have pushed her away, setting boundaries, building up even higher walls around her, focusing over her academic goals only, aiming to the top as she had planned, without a single distraction on her way.</p><p> </p><p>But Raquel was the ultimate distraction and she had let her come in willingly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Stupid. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Now she was left alone, she had finally built up the wall she had so hoped would always stand tall and fierce between her and the rest of the world. But Raquel had stepped right on the spot where that wall was supposed to be. </p><p> </p><p>She had claimed her place between her and the rest of the world. Obscuring the rest of humanity from her, shielding her from the adversities the world was filled with.</p><p> </p><p>Human interactions kept at the minimum, she had followed her every step of the way, not afraid to take her out of her isolation, not afraid to follow her lead when Alicia had wanted to push her out of her comfort zone.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel had been there, right where nobody was supposed to be, right where Alicia wasn't looking, where there had always been just defense and stability.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel had threatened that balance with the first smile she had offered her, the first word she had spoken to her, the first time she had looked at her with her coffee-colored eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Alicia had fucked up, just because Raquel had fucked her up before. The difference was that while Alicia had decided to do so to prevent herself from falling into the trap her own emotions had set up for her, Raquel had done all without one single time meaning harm.</p><p> </p><p>Raquel had simply walked into her life as if it was her second nature. No need for protection when around her, Raquel was simply that, a human being enjoying her presence by her side, wanting to know more of her, wanting to share the little pleasures life was made of.</p><p> </p><p>And now Alicia had fucked it up.</p><p> </p><p>For good.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Don't forget to send me a postcard. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Raquel never sent that postcard. She bought many, wrote onto them all her rage, regret, pain, all the things she hadn't had a chance to say to her face. But not one single of them had been sent.</p><p> </p><p>They didn't see each other after that moment. They didn't say goodbye. They never called, never wrote.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel came back, a year and a half later, to graduate, Alicia wasn't there to cheer and celebrate as they had always planned.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Alicia had graduated, just a couple of weeks before her, she had left the academy and her old life behind her back.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel started working as a police officer, Alicia wasn't there to wait for their respective promotions.</p><p> </p><p>When Alicia started working her way into the rankings, in another facility, Raquel started to see how her future as <em>Inspectora</em> was getting closer and closer.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel met Angel, Alicia bought a new apartment.</p><p> </p><p>When Alicia started to be known among her colleagues as <em>La reina de las hijas de puta, </em>Raquel met one of the most popular men in the <em>comisaria</em>, Alberto.</p><p> </p><p>When Angel and Raquel shared their night together, Alicia was starting to travel more and more, because her skills were needed where nobody else dared to venture.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel broke Angel's heart and accepted Alberto's invitation to go grab a couple of drinks, Alicia received a letter saying she had to participate in a particularly complicated police operation in another department of Madrid.</p><p> </p><p>When Raquel and Alicia finally met again, it had been 10 years till their last day at the academy together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am a fan of time jumps apparently...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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